Bonus 19: Anxiety — Do You React or Respond? (+ Thoughts on Consciousness & Surrender)

Oof. It’s been a month. A great month. And an exhausting one.

I’ve spent all of November 2021 creating, manifesting, writing, marketing, and then teaching a new workshop, Nervous System 101. Some of our Circle members attended NSYS101, and it was so nice and comforting to have some familiar faces/names in the Zoom room. So, thank you!

Anyway, because so much of my time and energy have been focused on that amazing new content, guess what got neglected?

My Nervous System Hygiene.

I believe that nervous system-regulating tools are the least useful to us when we only reach for them in dysregulated times. Our nervous systems feel safe with what’s familiar, so if we don’t use those tools when we’re regulated, they won’t become familiar to our nervous systems.

Then, they won’t be super useful to us when we do need them because they’re foreign to our nervous systems.

Anyway, I neglected my nervous system for over 2 weeks. And boy, do I feel it!

I’ve felt a steady creeping in of anxiety for the last couple of weeks. Working was a good distraction, so I didn’t notice it at first. But, then, my sleep started suffering.

Insomnia has been a hard egg for me to crack, so it’s triggering when I experience it now — especially now that I know what good sleep feels like!

There’s nothing “crazy” happening… no totally sleepless nights or panic attacks. I’m just noticing the discomfort more and more.

I can speculate all day about what’s going on and why — trust me, our egos love to create stories out of our feelings and circumstances for us.

Thinking about it only creates more anxiety and fear. Fear of not sleeping. Fear that I might need psychiatric medications again. Fear that I’ll have a panic attack.

Instead of reacting to the fear, I’m choosing to RESPOND.

I don’t want a reality that looks like fear-based over-thinking, panic attacks, and long nights of rocking myself. (Been there, done that, got the psych hospital bill to prove it!)

If that’s not the reality I want, then I can’t react to this anxiety. I have to respond to it.

Re-instating my nervous system hygiene practice.

Calling in support.

Remaining present.

Consciousness isn’t a guarantee of an always happy, joyful, exciting life. Far from it. And yet, consciousness allows us to stop fighting what is and surrender instead.

That’s what I’m choosing. To surrender: control, panic, fear, the story, finding meaning in the anxiety. All of it. I hope this episode resonates for you, and if it does, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the forum!

P.S. I also did a new thing this time — played you out with one of my favorite songs: You’re It! by Wookiefoot. I bet most of you have never heard of this band before, but they have unique and conscious music. Hope you enjoy!