I started following Lux in 2020 and immediately fell in love with her “don’t give no fucks” attitude. She is a wildly successful entrepreneur, TikTok-er, Instagrammer, dancer, stripper, and former English professor.
During the winter of 2020, I jumped at the chance to take her Social Media with Boundaries workshop. And then I knew I had to have her on the podcast.
This episode is a “no fucks given” perspective on having boundaries with both yourself and others on social media.
This Week’s Card:
This Week’s Guest:
Lux is an author, online community leader, and MC of luxury retreats for women worldwide. She promotes women’s empowerment through a mix of sensual expression and intellectual engagement. She’s a small town girl with an extreme Southern accent. If you google “stripper with a PhD,” Lux is your first hit! Women flock to her social accounts to feel uplifted, sexy, and powerful. They seek out Lux for the exhilarating travel experiences she offers, as well as the tight-knit community she has created. Lux spent nearly two decades as an exotic dancer, while being an English professor much of that time. Social media enabled her to retire from both the club and the academy and build a six-figure business partying with babes in mansions globally! She lives in Atlanta with her husband and son.
- Angels & Ancestors Oracle Cards
- Follow Lux on Instagram
- Work with Lux
- Check out Lux’s book Too Pretty to Be Good
- discuss the addictiveness of social media, why it’s not your fault, and how to have strong boundaries for yourself and the time you spend on social media
- discuss the disciplined, singular focus required to accomplish your goals and how/why social media will try to keep you “multi-tasking” unless you block out time for focus
- share Lux’s experience with the cancel mobs on social media
- discuss the obtuseness & stupidity of the belief that billions of people on social media, all with varying backgrounds and experience, are somehow supposed to agree on everything and see the world the same way
- share the importance of learning rhetoric and why folks who lack the skill of rhetoric also lack boundaries on social media
- answer the question, “Is it possible to have productive conversations with people you disagree with on social media?”
- give listeners practical tips for setting boundaries on social media for themselves and others
- discuss why integrity is the magic ingredient for showing up online
Hello listeners of the holistic trauma healing podcast. Thank you so much for tuning in today. I’m so grateful that you’re here and I hope you are well, I have an incredible phenomenal episode in store for you today. And it’s a topic that has been highly requested, both in my emails and on social media and the DMS people have been asking me, Lindsay.
How do I set boundaries on social media? So that is what I, and my guest. Lux ATL are talking about on today’s episode. So before we dive into that, I drew a card for you and said a prayer for you right before I hit record. And I had my angels and ancestors, uh, Oracle deck, and the card I drew for you is the direction guardian.
The message of this card is to connect with your deepest desires. Then choose the path that will make your heart and soul sing. The direction guardian card represents the angels of direction. These amazing angels are the ones who come to us when we are out of crossroads and don’t know which way to go when we are unsure of what is right for us, or if the bigger picture they can help us know what is best for all of them.
The direction guardian card refers to the vision of the Hebrew prophet, Ezekiel, who is said to have seen an angel with four different faces. One was a child. One was a bull, one was a lion and one was an Eagle. These four faces show. The angels can appear in many guises and guide us in many different directions.
But always for our highest good your path, isn’t set in stone and your angels and guides have no expectations for you, nor should you have any for yourself. There are many directions you can take. None of them are wrong as they all hold perfect opportunities to grow and to learn, but life is to be enjoyed and savored.
So if you know that there’s a decision to be made and particularly if you are feeling indecisive, choose the path that you know is going to make you light up and choose with your. So I hope that card is supportive for you, whether you’re tuning in the day, this episode publishes or five years from now, there is no time in the spirit realm.
So I hope that that card supports you. And now let me tell you about my guests. If you don’t know who she has already. So I am interviewing Luxe ATL. Um, ATL stands for Atlanta, of course, and Luxe is an author online community leader and the master of ceremonies of luxury. For women worldwide. She promotes women’s empowerment through a mix of sensual expression and intellectual engagement.
She’s a small town girl with an extreme Southern accent. If you Google stripper with a PhD, she’s going to be your first hit women. To Lexis social accounts to feel uplifted, sexy and powerful women seek Lux out for the exhilarating travel experiences she offers as well as the tight knit community she has created.
She spent nearly two decades as an exotic dancer while being an English professor, much of that time. Social media enabled Lux to retire from both the strip club and the academy, and to build a six-figure business partying with babes and mansions globally. Her clientele consists almost exclusively of converted followers.
She lives in Atlanta with her husband and son. You’re going to love this Lux is such a great speaker. You’re going to love her accent. You’re just gonna love everything she has to say. It’s in your face in a good way. And I guarantee you that by the end of this episode, you’re going to feel more empowered to set and stick to your boundaries on social media than ever before.
So please sit back, relax and enjoy this episode with Lux ATM. Hi, Lux. Welcome to the podcast. I have my gosh. Oh, good. I’m so glad. You’re happy to be here. I’m such a huge fan of yours. You know, I’m a big fan of yours. Um, I think my favorite thing about you besides your ass is your accent. Oh, dude. Thanks so much, man. I really appreciate that. I it’s one of those things, you know, I got made fun of for my whole life and now I’m grown.
People love it. So yeah, it’s it rocks. It actually I’m from Texas originally. And so when I moved up to Minnesota, I had a thick Southern drawl and unfortunately living in the Midwest has completely taken away my Southern drawl, but I tend to. When I’m around people with accents, I easily pick up on theirs.
So I guarantee you people, by the end of this episode, I’ll be talking like LA. Well, you know, Lindsay, um, I haven’t Midwestern husband and I kind of did the exact opposite to him. So he came down here to the south and now we go up to Milwaukee and everybody’s like, oh my gosh, you know, why do you talk so weird?
Yeah, totally, totally. It’s yeah, the Midwestern accent is something else. But anyway, so I’m having you on here because you are someone who I have really looked up to and followed, and I love your boldness and your courage. I love how you give zero fucks what anyone thinks. I love, like, I really do love everything about your content.
And, uh, it was my love for you as a person that drew me in whenever this last fall or winter you were offering your social media with boundaries workshop. And I mean, that was like a hell yes for me. So clicked, signed up, took it, loved it. Have the notes from that sitting right here in front of me have implemented a lot from that workshop.
It’s been really helpful. Um, that workshop though, I don’t know if you’re ever going to offer that again. Will you ever offer that again? No one, I get a lot of requests for it, dude. So I’m, I am actually intending to offer that one again. And interestingly, I get a lot of requests for that one and I also get a lot of requests for another workshop that teaches you had a fucking Tik TOK.
So. Yeah, you’re a tick talk bomb, man. Thanks, man. It was pretty cool. Yeah. I dedicated six weeks to making that shit happen. Ooh, that was, that was incredible, dude. I tried, I tried to talk, you know, I tried it and like my stuff just never got any traction takes extensive dedication. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, if we ever need to do a podcast episode on how to beat the tech talk algorithm or whatever it is.
All right, I’ll have you back in your social media with boundaries workshop, w you were mostly talking about having boundaries with yourself about the time that you spend on social media, having your phone out all the time and how it really distracts from. Accomplishing really important things in your life.
And it takes away from your family and your friends and your job. And like if you had a social media addiction, I think it’s pretty safe to say that, uh, you wouldn’t be where you are today. Like if you had let that rule your life instead of having some boundaries with yourself. Absolutely. Um, but you know, Interestingly, my friend, I think probably all of us have social media addictions.
And then that is me included. And, um, that is not because we are weak lanes or dummies. Um, it’s an uneven battle. These people who made these apps are geniuses first off, you know, they’re following the models of, uh, many addictive things, but, but primarily casino games, slot machines. I don’t know if you knew that or if you took them.
Probably shared that fact, um, you know, uh, the, the apps are literally designed to be addictive. So if listeners out there are feeling like, damn, I’m, I’m a loser. Cause I can’t get off Instagram. You’re not for me to change my way. Um, has required and continues to require. Um, I have to lock myself out of these apps.
Like I cannot rely on self control. Um, any more than I would encourage it, an alcoholic to go kick it in a bar all night long. You just can’t go in the bar. You gotta put a lock on the bar. And that’s, that’s the way that, that I see it. Um, And Fred, I know I’m here to talk. So I’ll say a few things that are on my mind, basically, based on what you just said.
Yeah. Go for it. Riff all day, man. Thank you. Um, as I’m sure you are aware, but many of your listeners may not know I’ve been a teacher my whole life. I used to be an English person. In a past life and I continue to teach, uh, lead a community of women called the strip coven. And, um, um, I’ve always been a teacher and one of the core tenants that I teach to my women, my community, my congregation, if you will, is off focus.
Uh, singular focus is what gets shit done. And we are in such a culture and a, uh, historical. Place of multitasking, you know? Um, and even when you fucking know better, you’re still halfway doing it. You know what I’m saying? If the, if the phone goes off and as an email, you feel compelled, you must check. It could be important, right?
Or like even your home girl text you and like, you love her. And like, she’s funny and you’re having a great combo. So like, of course you want to talk with her as opposed to this other thing that you’re doing. Um, we are in. Or, or let’s just say you’re working on a novel, like I am and it’s involved snake handling.
Okay. Like mine does so cool. I’m so interested in the shit, but anyway, It’s a historical fiction actually. So it brings together some real crime, uh, a crime ring called hooker gain in Danville, Virginia, and with a snake county community. Okay. So is there anything, let’s say you’re writing your book about the snake handling community and, and all of a sudden it pops into your mind.
Oh, I need to see what kind of, I want to see what kind of snakes live in this area. And so we now have the ability to simply do that, right. Right away, stop writing the manuscript, hop on Google, look at some images. And indeed we can rationalize that we are working on the project when we’re looking at these pictures.
And in some way, I guess we are, but what we’re really not doing is writing that book. Okay. Now what I’m trying to say is I’m not trying to tell you that you shouldn’t look at the pictures of the snakes. I’m trying to tell you, you should do that though. Because any of the great things that I have humbly accomplished, how has only been achieved by a distance?
Of singular focus. I have to put my, forget the fucking phone. That’s the worst thing to have here. Okay. You got to get that thing out of the room. You gotta Turk, you gotta block the apps on your computer too, because then you’ll be like, well, I’m going to go to the desktop. You’ll be sure you get the desktop.
So I put blockers for my social media in place. To prohibit me from these foolish distractions that are not productive and are instead taking away from the fucking art. I’m trying to make the gifts, the things I’m going to be proud of. And so I would say, you know, you never regret taking an hour to focus on that.
Even if the words aren’t coming, you never regret taking an hour to sit there and go into that world and inhabit it. You will regret it. If you look up an hour later and you’ve been fucking around on Instagram and now you’re just pissed off too. Yeah, and it, excuse me, it also creates, I’ve noticed this in myself that I’m like, okay, I’m going to do this.
I’m going to work on this. I’m not going to check my email. I’m not going to check my phone. I’m not gonna check anything else. It’s over there. Daddy, daddy, da, like I have all the best intentions and then I’m working on it. And like you said, you got to Google something or, you know, you get a message or, you know, whatever it is, you get that little, that little distraction.
And you pick up the phone or you answered the distraction or whatever, and it’s not like I just pick up my phone, look at it and then put it back down. Oh, it’s like, oh, I gotta, I gotta look at it. And I look at it and then it’s like the muscle memory of my body automatically start. Swiping. Yes. Hitting the button for Instagram, getting on Instagram, swiping, refreshing, like all of that.
And then, and you’re right, I’ve done this. And then an hour later, I’m like, what the fuck have I been doing? Like I was doing so good. I was working on this project. This thing that really matters to me, that my community is asking for this, this baby. I want to birth into the world. And I just like fucked around scrolling and looking at nothing for an hour.
Like, what am I doing? And then it, like, that becomes a cycle. I’ve noticed it like becomes a cycle where you beat yourself up. And then the next time you go to have that hour of focused intention or whatever, you’re like, okay, I can’t, I can’t use my phone. I can’t do it. Like, and you try to get really rigid and strict on yourself and then you do it again and you do it again.
And it just creates this. Like, and then pretty soon you’ve got this narrative in your head. I can’t, I can’t do this. I can’t break this. It’s it’s like massive, like personal abuse. It truly is. And what you say is true. So much of this as muscle memory, it’s in our bodies, you know, which I know is something that you talk a lot about and think a lot about.
And again, it was absolutely designed to be that way. Um, I feel like a toddler could, could get addicted to this shit. Just, just, there’s just the scrolling and the, like the blue gum, you know, that’s that slot machines. Yeah. Well, um, it’s in your body. And so we always think I’m just going to check this one thing and then we end up fucking around for much longer than we wanted.
And then we’re in the shame spiral we think we saw and even worse. You will spend this whole day feeling like you you’ll be the end of the day, mentally exhausted. Totally. You’re like you didn’t get anything done. Oh my God. Totally. Totally. Yeah. I actually have something else. We should put a pin in that.
Don’t let me forget to come back to the mental exhaustion of the phone because the other thing I want to talk to you about, I mean, I just want to encourage everybody. If Luxe ever offers her social media with boundaries workshop ever again. Just take it. Like, I think it’s what, like 77 bucks, like it’s cheap, it’s an hour and a half long.
You get the replay, you’re going to learn so much, like it is completely worth the $77 and the 90 minutes of your time. Thank you. I mean really, and I don’t just say that about everything. Um, so you’re going to love it. And also you get to listen to Lux, talk for an hour and a half. So there’s another added bonus, but what I want to.
Pivot to now. Isn’t just the boundaries we have with ourselves. As far as the time we spend on social media and how distracting it is and all of that. But you know, like you, me, so many other people, social media is now a, like, we cannot separate it from our lives anymore. Like I would not have a business.
You would not have a business without social media. Like, so it’s just the way that it is. But now we’re on these apps, we’re using them and. Where there’s all this messiness of people now because of pandemics and racism and wildfires and Afghanistan, and you know, everything out there like that, like you’ve got, you know, Africa, Brooke, I don’t know if you caught this live that she did, but she, she was like, oh my God, I love Africa, bro.
But she did a lot. She’s amazing. She did a live one day and she. You know, let’s say that you’re an influencer with a hundred thousand followers and to your followers, you’ve been promoting like vitamin gummy bear. And that’s what they know you for. They, and they’re following you because they like what you have to say about vitamin gummy bears.
Then suddenly something happens in the world like George flood gets murdered or whatever’s happening in Afghanistan happens or whatever. And all of a sudden the, the woke people that follow that. Gummy bear vitamin influencer are now, like, why aren’t you saying anything about Afghanistan? Why aren’t you saying anything about these wildfires?
What is your stance on racism? Like an Africa is like, we’re fucking expecting influencers who talk about vitamin gummy bears to like overnight be geopolitical experts, indeed. And how ridiculous. How ridiculous that is. And I think that that is, it speaks to the point of like the people who are demanding that the vitamin bare vitamin gummy bear influencer be a geopolitical expert.
Are the people who don’t have any boundaries and don’t know how to respect boundaries on social media. So can we talk about that? Just the onslaught of crazy comments, the debates that we see going on in the comments, like people endlessly picking each other apart, creating more division, more. Like no compassion, no love, no empathy.
Everything is black and white. Everybody’s right. Or they’re wrong either on the left or you’re on the right, like it’s, it’s so fucking polarized and it’s exhausting. And I just want to get your take on how can we help our listeners who maybe they’re participating in some of that behavior. And it’s not in alignment with who they are or they’re seeing happen.
And they’re like, oh my God, like, how can we have those kinds of boundaries with like, this is just not appropriate to say to anyone ever, whether it’s on social media or not thought a lot about this stuff. It probably doesn’t surprise me. Not at all. Um, the first thing, and I have a number of thoughts on this, the, the first thing that I was.
Is, and you acted like this in the past and it probably about 2015. And okay, let me see, I’ll start by this. I became, um, well-known on the internet in roughly 2015, maybe 14. Um, I started to get on Facebook for fuck’s sake, the most horrible place on. But at the time, that was the thing, Brett Facebook was the thing.
And, um, I had some quotes get viral, which was cool, but you know, how I got well known is because I was at a point in my life where rightfully I was dealing with some pretty, um, angry. Circumstances. I was stripping. I was a doctor by the way, stripping, which was my choice. And it worked out well for me. And by the way, it was also my past.
It wasn’t something new, but suffice to say, oh, some like I was pissed the fuck off, bro. A lot about a lot of it. And, and I, and I also had like the scholarly sound because I had that PhD. And so what I was serving up was, um, righteous indignation. And let me tell you, people love that shit. That shit pops off on the internet.
And I promise if you really want of posts to pop the fuck off righteous indignation will get you very popular. So we have that. That’s a fact, bro. Look, I don’t have any studies that verify, so maybe I’m wrong, but it, to me, it, it has certainly been what I’ve seen. It is also what I know as a rhetorician and as a person, again, with advanced degrees in communication and English people respond well.
I mean, this is why the news is the way it is. This is the way click baity articles are the way they are, um, get people outraged or, or a short and Frout, uh, you know, um, We, we, we see that that pops off on social media. So that’s something that we, we, when we see and we become aware of that, well, who the fuck doesn’t want to be popular and successful, right.
Who doesn’t want to popular successful? I certainly did. And, uh, Hey, you know what I still do. Um, I still do. I guess that’s just human. And so people see this as a way to get. Indeed in today’s culture, not only attention, but accolades it’s
I feel more muzzled than ever TBH. I feel like there’s so many things I’m afraid to say or feel, I must say very, very carefully now. And that’s what I’m doing right now is I’m thanking and trying to parse these words. So like, yeah, I can tell. Yeah. You know, so people don’t eat me alive on the internet, which is shame because I’m a sack.
Thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate that. But I think that we need to, um, understand like, okay, like these people aren’t monsters. And then by the way, you’re probably one of these people sometimes, and me too, like, I’ve gotten really good at controlling my bitches. Every once in a while, I might let a zinger fly, but only when only when, uh, only when somebody comes from you, I might let his finger fly about once a month, you know, but I’ve gotten pretty good at controlling my bitchery, but people just looking for attention, they want to be relevant.
They want to be hit and they often are drinking their own Kool-Aid. Um, I think that we need to ask, sorry. Asperger’s. And this is something I asked myself so often when we’re gonna come for somebody for unquote, correct them, call them out. If you will. I think we should ask ourselves, do you really care this much about the issue or are you trying to bitch slap somebody with, with a, with a excuse behind you?
You know, we can’t like call other women ugly or whole words or any of these things. That’s not cool anymore. Right. But there’s other ways we can comfort these bitches that we hate come to think of it. So often the people that we’re coming for they’re triggering us and often they’re triggering our jealousy.
Hey. I’ve had it happened to me, but I have been the jealous one. And, and once again, I’m, I’m mature enough at this juncture in my life. Just turned 40. I know. Thank you. Thank you. I’m mature enough at this juncture in my life to identify what’s going on with me, but you know, there are certain things that are triggering to me.
Let’s say, for example, the Kardashians trigger me. I’ll be honest. Especially that dam that what’s the one Kylie at Mitchell trigger me all day. I can talk to me about Kylie all fucking day. And by the way, I could come up with very good reasons that support my philosophies on how a person or a feminist or a woman should move through the world that I could absolutely righteously write an article against her.
May make a lot of sense to people, but I have to ask myself, do I really, is it really my really caring about the issue here? Or am I trying to use what tool is now acceptable, acceptable to me to hate on somebody who’s making me a little jealous. So that’s that’s we have to reflect upon our motives and we have to ask like what I want to encourage people.
Listen, there’s always going to be an issue to divide people forever and ever. Amen. We’ll argue about the color RAs, if we have to, we will, but I just really encourage people to understand that we’re really mostly. A lot of light, all of us, little human being animals. Imagine aliens, looking at us and seeing us fighting over these things that they can’t even parse the differences of, you know, the aliens can’t tell us apart, but we seem to hate each other over these, my new HSA and don’t get me wrong.
I know there are big, big issues that inform a lot of people’s heart feelings. I don’t mean to discount that and I’ve got hard feelings. But I think that we should strive to, uh, to, to consider others, to give them the benefit of the doubt and think, instead of thinking and assuming the worst. The thing, the best of them allow me to give you an example.
You may see, I just got this tattoo. It’s huge. Okay. But it started because I need to get a coverup. Okay. Which is not done underneath this. You may see the Imperial flak of Japan. Hopefully you can’t tell it’s there, but if I tell you, you can see that’s what it is. Yeah. So for our listeners, Luxe is showing me on the camera.
She just has this new tattoo on her arm. That’s beautiful. By the way, it looks like it was meant to match your wallpaper in your office. You know, I just keep my computer case too. You can’t see that right now? Yeah. Not even really deliberate. Apparently I have a certain aesthetic. I enjoy it. Yeah, you haven’t, you have a style, a taste.
So, so she’s got this new tattoos, beautiful tattoo, and it’s over. It’s covering up a tattoo of the Japanese Imperial flag. Rising sun. Right? If for anybody who’s wondering what that looks like. It’s karate kid. Okay. Remember the handbag? I grew up seeing this on the karate kid. Yeah. Same. Which was like, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with this symbol then.
And, and then, Hey, look, and look, I didn’t know. So, so, so hear me out. I went to Japan 15 years ago. It was a very young person and by the way, I went alone and this was pretty big deal to me. Just showed up in Tokyo at midnight, with a bunch of bags, totally alone. I learned to speak some Japanese before I went.
all right. That’s about all I can say these days, but I put a lot of effort in, and not always, not always wanted to get to Japan and so much about the culture appeal to me, the literature, there was a particular author named Yukio Mishima was, um, uh, that was time. So buys to say, I went to Japan with the best of intentions and I loved this country.
Uh, humbly placing myself within this culture. Uh, I don’t think I was being an ugly American. I think I was certainly trying to be cool. And Hey, the Japanese people were very nice to me. They love to take photos of me because I was tall and covered in tattoos. And, um, they were just so friendly. It was a great experience traveled there alone.
It was a great experience. And I got this flag tattoo too, like as respected. Now I got the rising sun because a simple red circle. What does that mean to anyone that, you know, that doesn’t mean that’s just a red circle then that’s, that’s our normal flag. And so I wanted it to be an, obviously, obviously a Japanese flag.
And so I got this done. I got this done at the time 15 years ago. Uh, I was, as my intentions were the best I was trying to respect this country that had hosted me, you know, and like give props. And now fast forward to, you know, 20, 21. And, uh, take talk, man. The kids, there was a Tik TOK star named Bella for who?
I think that’s her name? No shit. Don’t quote me. It might not be Bella Thorne. It’s Bella something re retracted didacted was a Tik TOK star, young woman who apparently got some big in big Imperial Japanese flag got two. And then the internet, let her know. Okay. Just to like say people in Korea, this is not cool.
Are I, um, some compare it to a swastika. Um, also there are people in Japan and various other places that, that, that Japan, uh, enacted various Harders or abuses upon. Hello. I did not know this 15 years ago. And, but yet here we are. And I have people who seem to be judging by their profiles to be teenagers.
Okay. Teenage girls who like are my number one trial was on Tik TOK. Um, Come in for me. And like, and like, you know, just, just, and me out ever having this tattoo and be like this isn’t just a look and like bop with no, the point I’m trying to make is they just automatically assume the worst that I’m like flippantly getting an Imperial flag.
Fuck Korea. Right? Uh, when, of course. I got, I got this tattoo when, when, uh, most of these people were in diapers, I bet they didn’t know it was problematic then either not. Right. And it wasn’t Congress to compensate. Natures of conversations have changed and that’s good. And I’m glad I know. And I certainly don’t want to needlessly offend people with my ignorance, which is why it’s covered, you know, but my point is, Most people.
I wish, bro. I wish, wish that people would assume the best of each other instead of the worst. But instead we’re so high on agro shit that you can be wonderful and bring so much into my life for years. But if you say one thing that offends. You’re fucking garbage and I wish people would, would take the opposite approach and, uh, just come at each other with a benefit of a doubt of a compassion and, and come towards unity instead of looking for reasons to splinter.
Mm. Yeah, beautifully said it just, it makes me, I did not know that about the rising sun flag basketball. So, you know, and I’m, I’m the same age as you. I’m 38. So, uh, but I could see, like, this is the kind of shit that I think people get. So nitpicky over is like any symbol can be offensive. To anybody like literally anybody.
And I don’t think that, you know, I don’t think that it’s okay to like, have to research whatever you’re deciding to tattoo on your body. If it means something to you and an, and even the swastika, I have a friend, uh, here, he’s my real life friend and he practices Norse Haven and he, the symbol that we know of as a swamp.
Has been used in north Haven, Ray for many, many hundreds of years and is not a symbol of oppression or Nazi Germany or whatever. It’s, it’s, uh, it’s a symbol for them and, and it means something completely different than what we associated with. And it’s just, it’s so crazy that. It got appropriated, you know, by Hitler,
and now it’s like a universal symbol of hate and division and the Holocaust and all of that. But that’s not what it originally meant, you know, but if you, if you practice north Haven Nouri, and you’re like, I like this symbol. I like what it means. I want it on my wall or my body, or I’m going to have it in my profile or whatever.
You can’t do that. You can’t, and I’m not, I wouldn’t do that. No, definitely not. So I guess I’m just, I don’t know. I’m kind of rambling here, but. What I’m seeing, what I’m hearing you say is that these, these teenage girls who follow you, who, who don’t know, you don’t know your story, don’t know the history of Japan, and don’t know why you went to Japan and the respect that you have for the culture.
All they see is a glance of this thing on your body. And they automatically slap the label on you that you are IST or phobic of some sort. Yeah, likes rather serious accusations. Um, which I think is something that we should, you know, take, he, uh, be a bit more careful with as well. I feel that we are becoming a very extremist culture.
Um, and I feel that, um, This side thinks that they’re the extreme and this side thinks that they’re the extreme, but the extremes are breeding the extremes. And, um, I, I’m proud to say I’m an incredibly moderate person and, um, I wish I wish more people would be, cause I think shit would be more chill. Um, I think that we could get along better, um, like.
We want to, uh, many people want to insist to demand to mold the world to fit there. Truth, what they understand is the truth. Um, the truth is always a narrative and, and that which gets to enjoy the position of the truth in any culture is a function of power as well. So, you know, whatever we are told is, is the truth is, is, you know, a story generally from a subjective position and no, no, you know, you can’t expect somebody who let’s say.
Okay. I’m from Danville, Virginia. Um, a few things about my background from Danville, Virginia. You can tell the way I talk. Um, uh, I. Uh, okay. I was a high school slot, stripper, my whole life. Um, a lot of baggage around my sexuality, a lot of, uh, anger at men. Lots of that. Um, now that’s me now let’s say, and let’s say there’s, there’s a man from Antarctica.
Who’s. Um, Lived among four other people. And I don’t know if this shit’s possible. Let’s say he’s in Alaska. That’s more reasonable. Let’s say there’s a man from Alaska. Who’s lived in one of them, rural encampments where he’s chopping down his own logs and killing some deer that man’s idea of what is true.
And right in this world, we look, we might see out, out on some things, but we are not. We are on a table to see the world in the exact same way, because everything that we know is true has been informed by these vastly different labs from. This is why we often have a lot of things in common and see things similarly to people that like we grew up around.
This is why we form these community groups with people that we assign or believe are light us in different ways. But I wish people in an era in which. It seems very necessary for people to establish their worldview as the world view. And unless you, unless you realize otherwise you’re fucked up, my mind is boggled at the obtuseness the primitive thinking like really, really, because people think that we’re really being fucking smart, but they’re being very focused.
Agreed. Agreed. So, uh, what are some practical like, okay. Here’s an example. Here’s an example. I shared a post on Instagram a few weeks ago and I lost several hundred followers over it. I really thought about it before I posted it. I knew it was a hot take. I knew it was going to probably get me in some trouble.
I geared my nervous system up for it, you know, and I made the post, the post is still up in my feed. I still stand behind it. I’m not taking it down. And I lost like 500 people. I got a lot of, uh, shitty comments. I’ve very rarely turned my comments off, but I turned them off on this post. Uh, got some DMS decided not to even read it.
A lot of the DMS, because I could tell that they were harassing just by the first line. So I just, I would block and delete block, delete block, delete that’s my, I use that block button, like all the time. So, but then an account with over half a million followers grabs that post, puts it up in their feed, tags me in it.
Half a million followers and don’t even get me started on like how unethical Instagram is that it’s even possible that an account with over half a million followers is able to basically serve up an account like mine with like less than 7,000 followers on a silver platter. Like here, y’all go harass her.
Look at what this dumb white chick has posted. Y’all go harass her. Well, sure enough, they did. And I got flooded more. I mean, this was like two weeks after I made the original post. So the, the original, you know, I find that these things happen in like 24 to 48 hour waves. If you can ride out that 24 to 48 hours of after you’ve made that post, it’s usually pretty calm after that.
But when, uh, when an account with half a million followers, Shares it to half a million people. Like it doesn’t just go away in 24 or 48 hours. So sure enough, I had, I mean, people were calling me a fucking cunt. Uh, you racist white bitch. Uh, just nothing productive that this is what I wish people would understand is when you approach somebody with that kind of language, whatever it is that you’re hoping that they’re going to learn.
Is th they’re not going to learn. They’re not going to no, no. And that’s another major lesson that I would love to give the world. And then maybe I will, in an upcoming workshop is rhetoric. Um, let me pin that thought, because I want to talk about that, but let me also rewind really quick to say here’s a beautiful thing that we, that I want to let you know that what you went through and all that, that you were describing and losing off hours.
I didn’t notice it. I didn’t see it. I didn’t notice it at all. And so let take, I mean, I didn’t know none of this was happening, bro. And I follow you obviously. I mean, you know, you do, yeah. Often share your things. I didn’t know any of this was going on and when we’re in that position, so to any of you folks out there and just so many of y’all that may be feeling right now, Fucked up on the internet that you’re being targeted, that like everybody’s looking at you and like you suck and like you want to fricking run away.
Barely anybody. Nobody is. So few people notice, like you think that the whole world is looking at you thinking like, ha ha you fucking suck. Most people, even if they do, it’s only takes up a few moments of their thoughts. You know, I’ve been there before, you know, I was canceled in 2018. Not for anything I said, but for something I didn’t say, you know, and then they just piled on all the different reasons why I sucked including such outright lies is that I can’t dance.
Um, Here’s the main points I want to make to people about social media and their, and their boundaries. First of all, uh, rhetoric, as we were discussing, um, understand rhetoric and understand your, your, and understand your goals. Are you trying to have a productive conversation with someone because those are possible.
And I have them with people that I disagree with all the time. Um, or are you trying to bludgeon someone and teach them a lesson and give them a spanking? Um, If the answer is number two, leave him alone, bro. I’m fucking like people are going to disagree with you. They’re going to piss you off. You don’t have to spank them for it.
You got to get used to that. The world is not a padded room. Um, but if you do wish to have a productive conversation, do a quick Google of rhetorical strategies of argumentation. Um, if you come at somebody mean and insult. All right. If you want to make me believe that the grass is blue and you come at me telling me straight out the gate with a piece of shit, I am for believing the grass is green.
I’m going to believe the grass is green till the day I die up to just to fuck you. And. Maybe if I was, you know, maybe the more, more mature folks won’t, but that’s a pretty human reaction. So I would say that, you know, be aware of rhetoric, be aware of rhetoric, how to use it. You can read books on this and then it’ll tell you, um, and be aware of your goals and your motives and interrogate them.
None of us are perfect, but we should read. Really, really try not to be mean to each other. Um, I understand some people may find even what I’m sending to be problematic. Like I think it can be considered saying to like, try to be nice to each other, to even be a fucked up thing to say nowadays. I think that’s.
I’m gonna keep saying it and I’m going to keep being a source of fun and good times because the Lord Jesus knows we need them. I would also tell folks that are struggling with boundaries online. Um, okay. You don’t own anybody. Shit. Well, your free Instagram account that you’re putting content out for fucking free.
No, you’re allowed to say what you want to say and. Please engage in conference if you wish, but of people demanding stances, um, commentary, um, for you to take a certain stance. Oh, thanks. Uh, you’re not paying me shit. And even if you were, I still, I’m still not taking, I’m not, I am not receiving commands today, tomorrow, or any other day.
You can kiss my ass. That being said, um, finally, uh, remembering that you don’t own anybody, anything,
uh, uh, nonetheless encourage you to just as, as often as you can tap into that compassion, that generosity is hard. Sometimes it’s so much easier. To be mad than it is to be happy. It takes no discipline at all to feel angry. It takes a lot to feel happy. I think that’s something that people don’t often realize we often think is the circumstances of our existence that dictate our emotions.
But I think generally it’s the other way around happiness is a discipline. It is a. Dare. I say, I personal hygiene, if you will, for me, I do a certain amount of things. I, I creative. I write creatively, I play that piano back there. I, um, I work out, I move my body. I have things that I’m doing to try to keep me in some sort of positive, nice open.
I don’t mean be nice and never talk about difficult things. I mean, talk about difficult things, but like, try to be nice at the same damn time. I do think it’s possible. And, um, bodily install blockers on your phone and your computer. And, um, don’t beat yourself up for feeling like an addict. Bring in home.
I don’t know anybody. Who’s got the willpower to do it on their own. If they exist crops, if you have the willpower on your own to resist, then you can really do some great things, buddy. Um, yeah. Start, start writing the course and teach the rest of us. Yes, yes, absolutely. I also think that the, the people who are, you know, quote unquote social media, activists, you know, which is a load of bullshit, my opinion, uh, but. I do whenever, whenever that happens to me, somebody is like demanding an explanation, telling me what a racist fucking con Diane, whatever else I do try to, you know, just pause and be like what they care about.
Isn’t bad. Like they care about something really important. It matters. You know, like they’re clearly very passionate. They care, it matters to them. They want to make a difference and maybe they’re just doing it the only way they know how you know, um, But that’s why I have the block button. That’s why I turn off comments.
And I can honestly say I’ve not been raised in social justice. Okay. I’ve not been raised in this culture of social justice. So my only experience with social justice is what I’ve seen on TV and what I’ve experienced on social media.
And if that’s what social justice really is, then I’m fricking hopeless for any real or lasting change actually happening. Because what I think that people who participate in this type of behavior, which let’s, let’s just be honest, they’re addicted to their own stress hormones. Like they will, they like the, they like the argument, you know, I love it for it.
It’s like a fucking rush. A of people really, really get off on rage and anger and despair. Yeah. Yeah. And so, you know, those people, they are who they are. They’re clearly like working out their own stuff. They have their own journey to walk and like, unfortunately, while they’re walking their journey, uh, they like to stop and take a shit on people because they haven’t learned how to use the bathroom yet.
The best way I know, it’s just. And so the, you know, it’s, it’s shitty when you get shit on, you know, when somebody takes a shit and your comments are in your DMS and it causes a nervous system response inside of you, that’s a really shitty thing to have happen. And it’s, it’s shitty that they took a shit in your comments and now they’ve left you to clean up.
And they’ve left your, you know, your partner or your friend or whoever your support person is, who has to help you clean up that mess. So I agree with everything you’ve said you don’t owe anybody, anything. My last question, I guess, is that there is sort of this woke belief that if you have a public platform, that you are subject to public accountability, what do you think about that?
Uh, okay. I’ll tell you what I think about that. Um, I live in my own integrity. I am not here to be, um, judged by strangers. Um, in what position are they to judge me? Um, what credentials do they have to judge me now? The things that I think that people want to hold you accountable for generally values of mine, which I have been living, I continued to evolve.
I continued to check in, I listened to the culture, the. Bankers that are putting out productive, um, diverse. I just really pride myself on the diversity of my Instagram fee. I think it would blow people’s minds. I use my, my own critical thinking regularly because it matters to me that I’m living a life that I believe in, and that I’m proud of too.
Matters to me. And I use my critical thinking, my best judgment, the apparent effect that I’m having on those around me to live in integrity. The best I can, um, that my own integrity is the only judge that I can answer to. And let me admit that sometimes I come up lacking. I certainly do, but my own integrity is the only judge that I will sit before because.
They build you up to bring you down. They cut down the tall poppies. There’s no point being a rock star. If they can’t tear you the fuck down too. That’s part of the process. They, the people, the populace, if you are a public figure, you are a source of perhaps in education and insight, but, but ultimately also entertainment.
And part of that entertainment, a part of it. That we seem to pay for being a public figure is occasionally people are going to come shit on you. And, , therefore you cannot live your life according to their standards because ultimately they will be angry at you for the color of the grass. If you do that, you’ll forever be racing breathlessly to try to be so.
Perfect person in the eyes of, of a mob that you’ve inexplicably named God, I’m not even religious. Okay. I don’t believe in God. I sure as shit ain’t gonna make strangers on the internet. Uh, a God of my own making to, to hot to me the rest of my days, life’s too short. I need to be created. I need to share my gifts.
I need to say what’s on my mind and you know what else? I need to have fun and feel good. And. That’s that’s where I draw the line. I will not, uh, people don’t judge me. You won’t do. That’s going to be a part of your habit without me there though. Oh, I love it. So, uh, just briefly before we hop off, you released a book in 2020.
Yeah. Tell me about your book. Uh, you know what, actually I released in 2021, God, this year has been. Oh, you were 11 it’s 20, 21. I almost, I remember because it was on accident. It wasn’t supposed to come out the day it did, and then accidentally it got pushed through, this is my memoir. And, um, it, you know, it is just truly my greatest work of art and it is called too pretty to be good.
That is a quote from my grandmother who just died, uh, about a month and a half ago. It is a story of, um, growing up in small towns, south, and, um, taking a long, strange trip across strip clubs, stages all across the south and also the academy. So it’s my journey. Um, from being a, as I mentioned, you know, a high school pariah, um, to being a.
Stripper to be in a professor and then back again, it’s a wild ride, too. Pretty to be good. You will find it under my name. Lindsey, Byron, that’s my government name, Lindsay, with an a on, yeah. It’s anywhere you can Google link to it in the show notes. And then why don’t you tell the world what else Lux is up to lately?
Ah, man, I’m about to host my first retreats and two years is not, um, before the pandemic, um, I made all of my money hosting retreats worldwide, and, uh, when the panic. Hit, when it dropped, when that shittiest album ever dropped. Um, I moved my business to an online community, so I run an online community. Um, it’s the strip coven.
Um, the name is technically sanctuary, but I’m changing that here in just the next few weeks, the strip cup. And I need to streamline my, my shit, my brand. Strip club and his mom online community is run like a church, um, a church, a church without a God, you know, we’re not religious. There were, there are religious people.
There’s Christians, there’s Muslims as a whole lot of witches. You know, the ladies love that these days, um, But we have a Wednesday fellowship every week, which is sort of a thought jam. We have home bound hoedowns every other Friday, which is sexy, naked lady, dance party and zoom rooms, a lot of fun. And.
That’s one way I connect with people is through my community, strip covenant and that’s women only. And then another way is also my women only retreats, a strip cabin, strip camps, just have all kinds of stuff. And if you guys want to find out about that, it’s Dr. Lux agl.com. That is Dr. L U X 80. Dot com you can find out everything you want to know.
Come work with me, come kick it with me. Come meet the croup. Come have some, uh, respectful conversations with the community, uh, name I imbue as much as I can. The value of, um, compassion and welcome welcoming of diversity. Of all types of body, of thought of culture as much diversity and friendly conversation that we could get, man.
That’s my goal. And by the way, I also want to show you a good time. So I’m like, I’m like your pleasure central, like, come have fun with me. I’m not going to yell at you. Um, unless you’re, you know, doing a sexy dance and then I might holler at you for that. So that’s me. That’s what I do. I hope y’all look me up.
Yeah, we’re going to link to everything about you in the show notes. And this has been a pleasure. Thank you so much. It’s my pleasure. Thank you so much. Name twin. Yeah.
Well, I sure hope y’all enjoyed that. I don’t know if you could tell or not, but my Texas accent. Accent came out while I was talking to Lux. Believe it or not. I used to sound a lot like Lux. And then I moved to Minnesota and unconsciously mimicked and adopted the Midwestern accent. But if I talked to my doubt on the phone, or if I go visit relatives or friends in Texas, or if I interview somebody for my bod gas, like looks.
It comes back out real quick. So, thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. I hope you found it really supportive. Um, you know, just. Just as a, uh, an encouragement to be in your integrity. Wherever you are, whatever you’re doing in person or online, be in your integrity. Don’t be a different person online than you are in person. I mean, if you’re an asshole in person, you’re probably going to be an asshole online. Um, but there’s a lot of people who I think are really nice people.
In person who can be really assholes online. And that’s really sad. So I just encourage you to let this episode empower you to begin setting boundaries for yourself and for others on social media, stay in alignment with what brings you alive with what your purpose is on social media. Let it be fun. Let it be.
Insightful, let it give you ideas that you can take into your real life community and talk about with your real life friends, you know, quit trying to figure out hard shit on social media. It’s not going to happen. It’s not the right container. The container for figuring this shit out is in community with people we trust. We need safe and trusted container to figure out hard things and to heal collective trauma. And that’s not going to happen in the comment section on, on Instagram, because Instagram is not a safe and trusted container. So I hope that gives you some empowerment.
I hope you feel supported to maybe reevaluate your own social media use both like the time that you spend on there and also how you might be engaging with other people. And also don’t be afraid to block people who come into your space, making demands of you, um, shaming, you requiring you to be a geopolitical expert or whatever else. Like your platform is your platform. You use it. However you see fit. The haters are gonna hate no matter what.
So you might as well just do what’s in alignment for you and what’s in your integrity. So I hope you enjoyed this episode. You can find show notes, um, to check out Lux as website. As well as her firstname.lastname@example.org forward slash podcast. This is episode 56, or if you’re listening in iTunes or Spotify, you can scroll down and find the show notes and links there as well.
So, thank you so much for being here and I will talk to you next week. 📍 did you enjoy the show? I’d really appreciate it. If you took a few moments to rate the podcast,
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