Closed for now: this replay opens seasonally

Masterclass replay

How Anger With Integrity Gets You What You Want

For women who are done being dismissed, denied, and debated.

Only others benefit from your suppressed anger.

When it opens: name your price, $77 to $107 · suggested $97

Tell me when it opens

You’ve tried being calm and clear. You’ve explained and over-explained. You’ve tried punishing them with the silent treatment, and you’ve swallowed your anger only to explode later. And you still get some version of I’m trying, or you’re too sensitive, or why are you mad? or get off my ass, would you?

So here’s the loop. You express how you feel and you get an unfavorable reaction. Then you express hurt about the unfavorable reaction, and you get more unfavorable reactions. You cry, you explain, you protest, you collapse. The loop can last for days or weeks, can’t it?

Or they drop the ball, and you get upset, and then in resentment you handle the thing anyway. Now you’re still upset, and they’re telling you that you’re unreasonable for being upset. You say I can’t do this anymore, and 2 fucking days later you’re back to over-explaining yourself to be heard.

When you calm yourself down and use therapy speak and explain all the facts and articulate yourself well, and they still react, you still think you’re the problem. So you figure you need better words, a calmer voice, better communication skills. You have an enforcement problem. What you’re saying is probably fine. It needs your follow-through.

And being reasonable and polite actually makes you easier to ignore. You say I would really appreciate it if you did this, and they hear it as optional. You say this can’t happen again, and it sounds like a preference, especially when it does happen again and there are zero consequences.

A request can be ignored. A standard means ignoring you comes with consequences.

When our anger is swallowed, it opens up space for people to negotiate with us about our truth, our boundary, our standard, our need. If your truth is negotiable, your life is negotiable.

If you’re an overfunctioner with an underfunctioning partner, you probably think you want them to do more. But what does them doing more provide for you? You want relief. You want rest, safety, reciprocity, mutuality. You want to be met and seen. You want a partner, someone to co-create life with you.

And you want to stop abandoning yourself every time they do the thing that shows they’re not changing. Whether they change or not, that’s their business.

This is the replay of my live masterclass, with the slides. I’m going to prove to you that you can use your anger to get what you want.

Anger is how your body says no. It’s boundaries energy, the emotional backbone that gives your words weight and teeth. Anger with integrity is anger that is channeled with intentional direction. It’s direct, clear, and precise. It’s accountable, meaning you do what you say. It’s grounded, even if your voice is shaky, and it’s fewer words, which might be relieving for the over-explainers in the room, or annoying. Here’s what we get into:

One spring, we’d had so much snow that it was still melting by mid-May, and the ground was totally saturated. Then one night we got 7 inches of rain in about 3 hours, and our power went out, so our sump pump stopped working. Around midnight, David and I were in the basement in our pajamas and rain boots, with brooms, trying to push water toward the drain in the floor. It was really cute and funny, but in the moment it was not.

So that summer, David dug trenches across the front of our house, which sits on the side of a hill, and put in French drains. Then in June of 2024, our area got a 200-year flood. People’s homes and garages were washing away in the river. We didn’t get a single drop of water in our basement.

Our emotions are like water. They move, and when we don’t channel them where we need them to go, they have the potential to be a very destructive force. So when you learn how to express anger with integrity, you’re literally learning how to channel your anger in an intentional direction, so it gets you what you want without destroying things in the process.

Say they told you they’d do something, and they didn’t do it. Again.

You said you were going to do something and you didn’t do it. Every time you say something and you don’t follow through, I lose trust in you. I am not available for you to tell me that you’re going to do something and then forget. So in the meantime, as you build trust through consistent follow-through, physical intimacy is off the table for me, because I don’t feel safe or authentic being intimate with you while I don’t trust you.

What was that, 5 sentences? Maybe 6? No drama, and the conversation can’t go in circles. They can try to argue with it. I said what I said. I understand that you feel uncomfortable about it, and I still stand behind what I said.

And the next time you get tone policed, imagine saying, You are tone policing me right now, and that is a deflection from this conversation. We can talk about my tone afterwards. Right now we’re talking about this. Did that sound like a mother? A whiny little girl? A lecture? It really can be that simple.

I have an amazing partner and an amazing relationship. But when it came to over- and underfunctioning, we were in gridlock, and it didn’t matter how many conversations we had. I got to the point where the way I was expressing my anger and my boundaries had to change, or I was going to have to leave.

So I named my standards, and I named every single time he dropped it, even when it was little, even when the voice in my head said well, he really is trying, you could let this one go. My anger was like, no, bitch, you can’t let it go. And it catalyzed change in him. He went out and sought accountability, and he meets with a men’s group every week now. Both of us would say my anger is what changed our relationship.

You say you can’t talk to me like that, and it has weight. You name the standard once, and when they reach for a loophole, you hold your line and you see what happens. You put down the plates that only benefit them, you keep the survival plates spinning, and you get to find out what reality is actually like when most of the burden for keeping life running isn’t on your shoulders.

When you’re done expressing your anger, you still respect yourself. And either your anger catalyzes change in someone who has the willingness and capacity, or it shows you, faster, that they don’t. Either way, you’re going to get met, or you’re no longer available for being unmet.

One important note

If you’re afraid of what might happen if you say no or set a boundary in your relationship, please start somewhere else first, with support that’s designed for your situation. You deserve to be safe before you learn how to embody your anger. Getting yourself to safety and protection is a valid embodiment of your anger right now, and you can come back to this whenever you’re safe.

When does it open?

It opens a few times a year. Get on the list and I’ll let you know the moment it’s available again.

How is it different from The Anger Lab?

This masterclass is a replay, just over an hour of teaching, that you watch on your own time. The Anger Lab is 4 live weeks of practicing it with me, with role play and coaching on your real situations.

What if I’m afraid of what will happen if I set a boundary?

Please start somewhere else first, with support that’s designed for your situation. Getting yourself to safety is a valid use of your anger right now, and you can come back when you’re safe.

What will it cost?

When it opens, it’s name your price, $77 to $107. The suggested price is $97, with lifetime access to the replay.

What you get

• The full masterclass replay, just over an hour of teaching
• The slides
• Lifetime access

It’s closed right now

This replay only opens a few times a year. Get on the list and I’ll let you know the moment it’s available again.

When it opens, name your price

$77 to $107

Suggested price: $97. Lifetime access to the replay.

Tell me when it opens