Attention Whore’s Guide to The Galaxy Series
Suggested amount: $35.00
An old-time radio series · 10 episodes and counting
The Attention Whore’s Guide to the Galaxy
Not every woman makes it across the divide. This guide to the Galaxy is my way of showing you there’s a map.
There’s a rare holiness and wholeness in a woman who finally crosses that great abyss over to What Do I Actually Want?
Name your price, $17 to $37 · suggested $37
Not sure yet? Listen to episode 1 free.
There’s a great divide deep in the Galaxy. On one side is a cliff so tall you cannot scale it, and it’s called How Are They Going to Perceive Me? Way over on the other side is a second cliff, and that one is called What Do I Actually Want?
I have stood on both of those cliffs. I have also spent a whole lot of my life in the abyss between them, where you can see the other side just fine and have no fucking idea how to get your body over there.
You know the abyss if you’ve ever rewritten a text 4 times so that nobody could possibly take it wrong. Or explained a boundary so thoroughly that by the end it wasn’t a boundary anymore. Or wanted something so badly you could taste it, and said nothing, because saying it out loud would tell people something about you.
You can probably walk into a room, read 14 facial expressions, notice whose forehead wrinkled when you spoke, detect a microscopic shift in someone’s tone, and revise a sentence in real time so no one can ever accuse you of, well, anything. Very impressive. Also, very exhausting.
Why you haven’t made it across yet
You’ve tried explaining yourself better. Surely, if you can just find the right combination of words, say them with the right tone while wearing the right outfit, and give all the necessary disclaimers, the witness will arrive at the correct conclusion about you, right? This is of course horseshit, but it’s very sophisticated and sneaky, because there’s just enough truth inside it to keep us believing.
Maybe you’ve tried the territory of I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. You can think that, or say it, and still leave a trail of relational space garbage in your wake. It’s usually another performance of self protection at the expense of connection.
Or you tried to heal the need. The prescribed cure for attention-seeking disorder is some version of learning to need less or want less from other people. The mark of successful treatment? She stops having a need for attention at all. The department calls this healing. I call this bullshit.
What you actually want
You want to get across to What Do I Actually Want? You want to let want simply be want, and then decide what you want to do with it. And you want to stop letting every thought someone has about you outrank your own knowing.
The witnesses are allowed to perceive you. They’re allowed to like you, dislike you, misunderstand you, criticize you, admire you, envy you, want you, praise you, project onto you, understand you, or get you so wrong that you wonder if they’re confusing you with someone else. They can watch you drive to wherever you’re headed. They don’t get to reach through the windshield and grab the steering wheel.
The witnesses have a vantage point. You have a whole ass life. Please do not confuse the two.
What this series gives you
It’s old-time radio. It’s storytelling with a score, like the shows people used to pull a chair up to the radio for and listen to in the dark. And halfway through every single episode, the story stops for a swing and burlesque interlude. Then every episode goes out on another one.
Because I am not about to spend 20 minutes telling you how good it feels to be looked at and then leave you sitting there in silence. Absolutely not. 10 episodes so far, one journey, in order, and new ones land in your library automatically.
01The Great Divide. Two cliffs, one abyss, and taking back a word that’s been thrown at women for the crime of wanting to be looked at.
02The Garden. Eve wanted what she was told not to want. Lilith refused what she was told to accept. Both became dangerous women. Your want is simply the GPS location on the map.
03The Department of Female Appetite Management. Fully staffed, 24/7, and very committed to keeping your appetite manageable. You might be an employee yourself.
04The Land of the Witnesses. Everyone who perceives you, and how they got so much authority over your life when their only qualification is that they possess eyeballs.
05The Great Myth of Being Correctly Perceived. Pull up a log. We burn the fantasy that the right communication can buy us control over another person’s perception.
06The Black Hole of Misperception. What to do when somebody gets you spectacularly wrong. Internal constellation rearrangement is not a service you can offer. I actually checked.
07The Planet of Truth. Attention feels good. I wanted to be prom queen at 41. I wore the tiara. I won. And I’m not going to tell you the childhood trauma that explains why I loved it.
08The Territory of the Exchange. Where attention turns into something really valuable for you, and you get to own that you’re in it for the benefits.
09The Realm of More. Welcome to the ravenous feminine. A woman in a garden she already loves digs a hole for more roses. Your life does not need to be insufficient for you before you are allowed to want.
10The Palace of Excess. A gold roof, chandeliers hanging beneath chandeliers, and 17 pillows on every sofa. Women have been taught to confuse exceeding the container with being too much. You do not need a smaller life.
Let’s talk about that word
If the name made you flinch, good. Stay with me for 2 minutes.
A whore, in the literal sense, is someone whose sexuality or erotic availability is made visible on purpose and entered into some form of exchange. She decides what is offered to whom, under what terms, and what that exchange is worth for her. The fact that she’s desired by others doesn’t erase her agency. The attention she receives doesn’t automatically grant anyone access to her.
An attention whore does that exact thing with attention. She lets herself be visible on purpose, because attention can turn into connection, influence, money, intimacy, impact, admiration, pleasure, or belonging. And she can fully own, yes, I wanted you to look.
Where I come from
I was raised in the Bible Belt during the height of purity culture in the 90s and early aughts, and I learned very early that my goodness had to be legible and on display. Eventually I became a good pastor’s wife, which essentially proved that I had mastered perception management.
Basically, I wasn’t allowed to be anything I can be today. Difficult, mean, sexual, sensual, angry, needy, attention seeking, outspoken. Enormous amounts of my time and decision making were organized around just one question: How are they going to perceive me? I got very good at embodying exactly what was expected of me. You probably did too, attention whore.
What changes
A witness makes a face, and you stay where you are. You look through your own eyes, feel your feet on the ground, and remember where you were going or what you were going to say before someone made a face.
Somebody gets you wrong, and you figure out what belongs to you, do that part, and let the case close. Nobody may ever come back with a notarized statement that says you were right about yourself after all. The black hole can keep the misunderstanding. You need your attention back.
And sometimes your truth is gloriously unimpressive. You just wanted to be the prom queen. You just wanted them to look. The Galaxy would be unbearably boring if every desire had to turn into a dissertation. Sometimes your truth is allowed to wear a tiara.
Questions you might have
Can I try it before I buy?
Yes. Episode 1 is free. Listen to it here.
What happens when new episodes come out?
Every new episode is added to your library automatically, and all of it is yours to keep forever.
I’m in ATTENTION WHORE, the mentorship. Do I need to buy this?
The Guide is included in the mentorship, so you already have it.
What should I pay?
It’s name your price, $17 to $37. The suggested price is $37. Pick the number that fits your life right now. It’s the same Galaxy at every number.
What you get
- All 10 episodes, scored, each with its swing and burlesque interludes
- Every new episode as it’s released, added to your library automatically
- Yours to keep forever
Name your price
$17 to $37
Suggested price: $37. Pick the number that fits your life right now. It’s the same Galaxy at every number.
Not sure yet? Listen to episode 1 free.
Already in ATTENTION WHORE, my group mentorship? The Guide is included, so there’s no need to buy it here.
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| Waiver of liability: | Lindsey is NOT a licensed therapist, psychologist, or psychiatrist. She is a trauma educator and coach. Her work is not intended to take the place of medical care provided by the practitioner of your choice. It is also not intended to diagnose or treat any physical or mental illness or take the place of therapy provided by a credentialed therapist. Upon purchasing, you agree to these and all other Terms of Service at checkout, and you acknowledge the above statements and consent to working with Lindsey and/or using her products. |
