Episode 80: The Healing Is in the Opening (part 1) with Kirby Criddle

I was on vacation in Mexico when I came across an Instagram post about opening from my friend Kirby Criddle.

Instantly, I felt YES in my body. I reached out, invited her on the podcast, and here we are.

The concept of opening has been coming up over and over for me for about a year. It was something I worked on pretty intensely with the relationship coach my husband and I hired during the summer of 2021.

I couldn’t (or wouldn’t) open because I was afraid: afraid of losing control, afraid of vulnerability, afraid of getting hurt, and truthfully, afraid of receiving.

At the end of 2021, I chose 4 words to focus on for 2022. My words? Soften, open, play, receive.

So, if nothing else this episode is supporting me to soften, open, play, and receive.

This Episode’s Guest

Kirby Criddle is a teacher, writer, illuminator and guide, in service to the mystical and physical forces that bring our highest Self through to this world. Using an intuitive combination of coaching, energy work, meditation, breath, and plant medicine, she supports people with trauma integration, nervous system regulation, and the exploration of the intersection of sexuality and spirituality. Kirby has been working 1:1 with clients for 16 years, teaching for 15, and is the co-founder of GreatFull, a multi-tradition spiritual practice and wellness centre. She lives in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan with her 5 kids, hot husband, and super cute cat.

Links

  • Follow Kirby on Instagram
  • VESSEL: the care & protection of your feminine range in a world built for men
  • OPEN: a monthly reset for creatives, empaths, and other highly sensitive people
  • SOVEREIGN BEINGS: a 6-week exploration of emotions, trauma, and the things that hold us back

Show Notes

In this conversation with mystical force Kirby Criddle, we…

  • discuss the difference between intellectual understanding and embodied understanding
  • talk about the concepts of opening and closing as it relates to trauma, healing, the nervous system, and embodiment
  • discuss the effect of energy and its existence prior to how it manifests, first in the nervous system, and then in physical form
  • share Kirby’s word for 2022 โ€” confluence โ€” and what it means to her
  • discuss the traumatized nervous system’s tendency to reject entire concepts and make them “wrong” out of a deep fear of not being able to do it “right”
  • share the idea of sitting with the discomfort that’s present, being curious about what’s there, and allowing the discomfort to dissolve and create softeness and openness
  • talk about why it’s so difficult to discern intuition from fear, particularly if we’re disembodied
  • discuss our culture’s skewed perception of self-trust
  • discuss the concept of the nervous system being in charge of physiological processes and also being like a radio receiver that picks up the frequencies of our egos or pain bodies and Higher Selves or souls
  • elaborate on openness as being access to a full range of human experiences, sensations, and emotions โ€” not just happiness
  • share some of the modalities, like Body Talk, that Kirby uses with her clients
  • bring the heart and heart energy into the discussion about the nervous system and coherence
  • talk about being closed and why it’s not “bad”

Transcript

Hello Kirby. Welcome to the podcast. I’m so excited to get you on here. Hi, Lindsay, thank you so much for having me. Um, I’ve been looking forward to this for a really long time, so, oh, I know. I’ve, I’ve been seeing your excitement on Instagram about it, and it just like makes my heart like bitter pattern, cuz I’m like, oh my gosh, like this, like somebody wants to be on my show this much.

And like it’s not even that big of a show, but somebody wants to be on it this much. And it just made me feel really special. So it’s been exciting to watch you talk about that. Awesome. Well, you’re, you’re the special part I’m like on the show is great that I’m excited to spend time with you and get to know you better.

And my guests also make it special. It’s not just me, um, without their magic. It wouldn’t be what it is. So, um, what I wanna share because, uh, before we hit record, we were having this very windy conversation about how we wanna talk about what we’re gonna talk about today, because this is one of those concepts that.

Requires an embodied understanding to grasp. And we’re going to obviously have an intellectual conversation about an embodied. Practice or an embodied state, um, of openness. And so we’re gonna do our very best and just believe that like, what people need to hear is what’s gonna come through and that it’s going to, um, merge with their spirit in a way that brings them more openness.

And I know you’re gonna talk about that. So I wanna share are the caption, if it’s okay with you. If I read this caption, um, I know it’s a little bit long, but these are your words and you’re such a gifted writer. Um, and when I came across this post, I immediately sent you a DM and I was like, this, this is what I wanna talk about on the podcast.

This . So is it okay with you if I read the caption? Yeah, that’s beautiful to hear it reflected back from someone else. That’s okay, cool. So I’ll read it and then we’ll go from there. So. You said there are many, many ways to open and there are equally as many excuses why we can’t or won’t why we choose consciously or unconsciously to remain closed, closed to love sex money, to God, joy, passion dreams, to our partners, children, friends, our work to our play, our bodies, our, our health, our creativity to our experience and the situations at hand to growth expansion, to alignment, to curiosity, to peace, which ones ping inside as you read them, becoming open is a process much like a flower does not open without rich soil, clean water and a measure of sunlight.

We do not open by ourselves. Our environment and relationships provide the. Our individual personal practices are the hydration and our connection to spirit or energy is the bright light that gives our body, the codes and instructions to open further much. The way sunlight provides plants, the opportunity to photosynthesize, to transmute, to change one substance to another becoming truly open is a state of being whereby the nervous system is not only regulated, but the body is relaxed.

Blood is flowing. Energy centers are functioning without stagnation or excess, and we are capable of sustaining charge or energy flow through the system without needing to slow divert pinch off and close down energy can move unencumbered because the foundation has been laid and resistance is slim to none.

It’s not just a window of tolerance. The it’s an everything thing. It’s the culmination and totality of the perfect alignment of everything all at once. All of these aspects work together to support our opening, even when it looks like we’re going backward or an aspect seems to be working. To close us.

It is often not at all it, as it appears to be. Sometimes these situations serve to support our redirection or slow us down to protect our nervous systems. And other times it’s merely the universe asking, can you open here, here? And what about here? Love only flows through an open channel. So what we’re really asking is can be the love that this moment needs.

There are always people in this world who do not have the luxury of making this conscious choice right now, if you can, will you ha I just . That feels like a weighted blanket to me. Like, oh my gosh, that feels like a weighted blanket. So gonna talk about opening and this very vague abstract state of being, as you said.

Um, and yeah, I just, I can’t wait to see where this windy conversation leads. So before we hit record, I was. I was asking you, like, are there any talking points that you wanna make sure that we get to? Like, I don’t wanna leave anything out, but I also don’t wanna put us inside of a box. And so we are literally, we are, we have no notes.

We have no talking points. Um, and at the end of every year, so at the end of 2021, um, I choose words. Um, last year for 2021, I think I had like eight words. Um, this year I have four and these are not new year’s resolutions as much as they are intentions and what I want to invite more of into my life. And so my words for this year are open soften, receive and play.

And I keep them written over on my whiteboard. They never get erased. I’m always looking at them every day. I have to look at them every day. I ask myself, how am I opening? Am I softening? Am I receiving, where can I invite more play into my life? And so this conversation is as much for me as it is for whoever is listening, because this, this opening that you described so beautifully in that caption is 1 million bajillion percent a yes.

In my body. And like, I feel it more than I even understand it. So, um, yeah. Welcome. <laugh> I’m so excited to be here and I just bought post-it notes yesterday. And so I put my word on it and now my word can live on the wall in my office too. <laugh> oh, amazing. So what is your word? So, um, I was telling you before that, I usually, I don’t pick words for the year.

And, and prior to this, I had felt like picking words was cheesy. Like, you know, like a Pinteresty thing to do. And then I realized this year, That it has nothing to do with that. It’s that I was stuck in indecision. I didn’t trust myself to be able to pick a word or pick the right word. So I got overwhelmed by the idea of choosing the right word and I just rejected the practice and made it wrong.

by being so afraid of being wrong, what a human thing to do, right? Like by being so afraid of being wrong, I made the thing wrong. So I didn’t have to confront my fear of doing the wrong thing. Um, and so I was, I was on Instagram. There’s this beautiful woman, Simone soul. I don’t know if I’m saying her name correctly, but, um, she’s this incredible coach.

Uh, she has a program called joyful marketing. And to be honest, just following her, increase the joy in my life. I really appreciate her coming across my feed. And she, I got spanked by this word. She made a post and the word just stood out to me. And I mean, I’m a writer, so, you know, words will, will do that.

But confluence. I was it just, it like made all the hair stand up on my body. And I was like, okay, what is this? It was like, I could just feel that this was gonna be a word that shaped me for the next, um, the next year. And I was like, oh, I’m gonna do that thing. Hey, I’m gonna pick a word confluence. I was like, well, if I’m gonna invite this word to join me on my journey, I should probably sit with it and see how my body responds to it.

And I didn’t even look up the definition right away. I just sat with it. And it was, I could tell that it was more about like a deepening of my trust and my walk and my surrender, um, with the mystical forces that guide me. So whether you wanna call it God creators, source, universe, higher self, soul, whatever that is to you.

Um, it’s yeah, that same thing for me. Um, I haven’t quite come across a word that encompasses it totally for me. I use God because that’s like, because of my history. Um, but I know when I say God, some people will get the wrong idea. So I just want it to be clear. Mystical force will say. And so confluence is it describes a convergence point.

Um, it’s a place where two things come together, typically a river. So two rivers come together and they join in this place and they begin to flow together in new. And it’s my understanding that when we take our physical self, our flesh, our bone, and we combine it with the mystical, the spirit, the higher self, the soul, God source, whatever you wanna call it.

When we make space for those things to flow together, you know, we like, that’s where the magic happens. That’s confluence. And to consciously cultivate that and not just leave it up to chance or accident, but to know that this year I’m doing things that, um, that support that, that deepen that practice because really truly that’s what openness is.

Openness is just what, what you described, um, that I wrote in that post, right. There’s to no resistance. The body’s relaxed blood is flowing. Energy is flowing there. Aren’t these pieces of resistance in the system that when we get a big blast of mystical force, it like gets stuck like Velcro or like an obstacle, right?

It’s it’s not like that. It’s just smooth. It’s just clear. Our a window of tolerance is wider, right? Like we sometimes refer to part of that process as window of tolerance, because a lot of times we get disregulated. By great things happening too. It scares the fuck out of us to have this big buoyant, ecstatic energy.

We’re like, what the fuck is this? Holy shit. You know, or, oh, this feels really good. And the distance to disappointment is so far, you know, so, so it’s, that’s, that’s like a part of it, but, um, so yeah, so I just, in my confluence practice, I’m really trying to, um, be with whatever is alive in the moment. Not try to like plan ahead or like, you know, like, like I said, I was gonna ask you for a list of questions so I could be prepared and then spirit was like, no, <laugh> no.

Yeah, no. Yeah. We’re not trying to control what’s happening. We’re just being with what’s happening and it, and it shifts just by our presence. And we shift just by the magic that happens when, when we’re present in the moment. Okay. All right. I’m with you. Um, so can you maybe describe an experience that you’ve had since you chose this word where you felt that resistance come up in you and you chose to lean into it anyway?

And what, what is the, if confluences the noun, what is the verb? um, oh, so many, but also also it’s kinda indescribable. It’s it’s more of like an essence thing. Like you were saying, it’s not really something that’s necessary necessarily intellectualized mm-hmm . Um, so, so it’s just kind of like a, it’s more of like a noticing in the moment than a active trying mm-hmm , it’s like a thing that can only happen when the right conditions are there.

And the, the quote unquote right. Conditions appear like effort is only part of that. Part of it is just the magic. Is there somehow. Which I, I believe that there’s that magic thread in every moment in all the moments. And it’s just, can we tap into it? Are we, are we poised to tap into it or are we fighting against it?

Yeah. And so much of it happens unconsciously too. So it’s not something to like blame ourselves for, but right. My hope is that, um, and honest, I forget this all the time, but when I’m in a state of openness, um, I feel like I’m, I can recognize like there’s no rush. We’re the ones putting the pressure and the rush, um, on everything.

So we can just, and, and obviously, you know, if, if, um, because being closed doesn’t really feel good. Right. Right. So we wanna rush cuz we wanna feel better. Um, but ultimately being with what’s present is what’s going to help us to feel better. Mm. Yeah. So. I think, I think we have to talk about the nervous system you’re like nodding anything.

Okay. Yeah. I think, I think we have to talk about the nervous system, because I think that the nervous system is a very, um, it is an intellectual concept that we can bring into this conversation to sort people, myself included wrap our brains around what is going on in the body when we are in a state of closed offness.

So for me, when my nervous system was very dysregulated, and even as I’ve done a lot of healing work and I am leaps Allens ahead of where I was before, um, I still find myself confronting new experiences, even, even changes in routine, even like things like that with. A little bit of like, who put the brakes on, put the brakes on, you know, like, and, and I can recognize it now and I can lean into that discomfort and I can flow with it more, but, but I still meet with that resistance sometimes.

And I know that that’s because that change or that expansive experience is unfamiliar to my nervous system. And therefore my nervous system proceed it as unsafe, even if it’s a perfectly lovely, wonderful experience or change or shift or whatever. So everyone who listens to this podcast regularly knows my story.

Um, and so I don’t feel like I need to share this story again, but I want to share the energy and the state that I’ve noticed in myself and my own body and how noticing what was there has helped me to. Open to the concept of openness if that makes sense. So for me, trauma, and again, it doesn’t, it doesn’t matter what the trauma is, what matters is, how did it affect your nervous system?

So, um, trauma energy felt like a very, um, like knuckling my way through life, needing to be in control of everything. And everyone needing my environment to be completely organized and orderly and clean, um, needing people to be well behaved or to accommodate me and my triggers. Um, it’s a very constrictive energy.

Um, so my normal state of breathing was very shallow. Um, my, my pelvic floor was literally like. You know, like sucked in like anal retentive, like literally anal retentive. Um, okay. You’re raising your hands. All right. Um, so a very like defensive way to go through life. Like I needed to walk through life with this shield of control and constriction to protect me from all the bad things that were gonna happen and to then, and also to need a plan for all the bad things that might happen and a plan B in case that plan didn’t work out so just a lot of control, overthinking everything, like not being able to be in my body at all, because it, it just wasn’t possible.

You know, it just wasn’t possible. I RET retreated up into my head about everything. Um, this has shown up this, this constrictive closed off, um, energy anal retentiveness it has shown up in my business, my sexuality. um, it has shown up in my inability to take risks. Um, it shows up whenever I am in a confrontation with someone, it shows up when I have an opportunity to set boundaries, it shows up in my relationships with my mom, with my brothers.

Um, it shows up a lot. And so it’s a pattern that I’ve noticed in myself, which is why I, I chose the words that I chose because it’s a very hard energy, you know, it’s a very harsh. Abrasive energy. And that’s why I chose the word soften. soften. Like I wanna soften those hard edges, but while like softening while also not losing my authenticity and like, it is authentically me to have a good mic drop moment, you know, like that is authentically me.

And also there are ways in my life that I want to invite softness, um, needing to control everything, needing to have a clean environment, needing everything to be put together. And just so white knuckling, my way through life is a very, uh, I don’t even wanna say it’s a giving energy, but I think the overgiving and over carrying is involved in that.

Um, but it’s an energy in which I cannot receive. You know, it’s like, cuz that wall is there. And so there’s, I can’t receive from anything or anyone. So that’s why I chose the word receive. Um, it’s an energy in which there’s not a lot of. Freedom, um, inside. There’s not a lot of freedom inside. There’s like constriction in your movement.

You’re not flowing in the way that you move. Um, especially like being able to move your hips, like the seed of your, your womb space, your creative center, like very rigid in the hips. Um, it’s an energy of, uh, the only way I know, I know how to describe it is it’s like, because I do parts work with a parts there, an ifs therapist as well.

And three weeks ago in my session with her, we identified a part and this part was literally like a steel rod that went down the center of my body. Wouldn’t allow me to like move from side to side. And it was like that it’s a, it was a very rigid, like hard part. Um, and when you’re in that space, you don’t play.

There’s no play, right? Like everything is business. Everything is serious business. Every you take everything seriously. So that’s why I chose the word play. And then I see open the word open as like the umbrella under which soften play and receive fall, you know, like, so that’s why I chose the words that I chose.

I love the word confluence. I might have to write the, that one on my board as well. um, but I hope that maybe describing what was happening in my body and in my nervous system helps people understand that, like this isn’t some like mystical concept we’re talking about here. Like there are, there are literal physical things that happen in your body, in your nervous system when you open and soften and experience confluence.

So do you wanna talk about what that was like in your body and what you’ve observed in yourself? Sure. Yeah. Um, in myself and my clients, like I know we talk a lot about nervous system and it is really important to, to look at the physical aspects and the physical, the ways the physical body is impacted.

Um, and, and then, you know, the nervous system, especially, but I think something that changed things for me and a lot of my clients is recognizing that before the nervous system there’s energy. So energy is the birthing place of all that you experience. It trickles down the physical body is the last place for it to land.

So when we are experiencing dysregulation, um, you know, when we’re looking at looking at that, just from a bodily sensation or an intellectual sensation, um, piece like we’re missing a vast amount of information. Because often there’s an energetic framework that’s been supported by, you know, cyclical, beliefs or thoughts that, you know, they, they make a groove.

Um, and so, so I, I think it’s definitely important to take a look at, um, the energetic portion of it. Um, oh man, you said so many great. I was like, oh, I wanna speak to that. I wanna speak to that. I should be making notes over here. <laugh> um, but I think, yeah, so I think for opening, it’s also important to recognize that sometimes we are intellectualizing or opening, even though we think it’s a somatic thing, we’re still being very cerebral about it.

Uh, and some times we have disapproval for our opening. Um, and in addition to which sometimes the patterns of regulation are just a habit. So something’s unfamiliar and we might feel dysregulated. But it’s sort of like a, how do I describe it? It’s a pattern that doesn’t necessarily have any weight to it.

So, so when I work with people it’s different every time, because every, every person’s an individual and we all have our own unique conglomeration of whatever has brought us to this moment. Um, and so like, I’ll, I’ll give the example. One time I was really struggling with visibility and I was struggling with, um,

welcoming more clients in, because I, I don’t know why it just, every time I thought about it, I would get triggered. I would get scared. I would be like, oh, okay. And then I would, I would often assume that because I was getting dysregulated, it meant going in that direction was wrong. Right. I was making it wrong.

I was like, oh, I wanna avoid that with a 10 foot pole. So that was keeping me kind of in this like limited contained. Existence. And then one morning during my practice, I sat with it. I was like, what is under this? And I just sat. And I led myself through this process that I lead my clients through. And they’re like, I feel stuck.

I don’t know what to do with this. We just sit with what’s alive. And we peel back layer layer layer, which often we need support to do, because again, a nervous system thing of a system might not trust that you can go through that process and come out regulated. So it won’t actually let you get near it.

And that’s a really, that’s the mark of a really smart, nervous system. So we can thank our nervous system for doing that. But when we have proper support and someone who can anchor and witness you like, so provide like a safe, um, nervous system state co-regulate with, to come back to then our body recognizes the opportunity and we’re able to sit with the energy of what is and go to the bottom of it.

And what I realized was. I was just afraid of the sensation of fear I was making it mean that while if fear is present, I must be doing something wrong and I didn’t look underneath it. When I looked underneath it, there was nothing, there, there was nothing, it just dissolved into energy. And I just felt like I could exhale my, my ribcage softened.

And that was it. Yeah. Do you think that people, um, cuz I’ve definitely done this. So I think the answer is yes, but we, we could elaborate more on it. People will feel that. And they’ll say my intu, my intuition is telling me no. Yes. And my intuition is telling me that this is not for me because, because I, if it was for me, I wouldn’t feel this way.

Totally. A hundred percent. And, and you know, and it’s, it’s, it’s really hard to discern between fear and intuition if we’re not in our body. Yeah. Because the body is the, the place that makes sense of it all. Right. It’s really hard to intellectualize it if we’re just listening. But if we’re in the body, there comes a feeling, not just an emotion, although emotions can be present, but like a sensation where you, your body responds.

If it’s fear, your body will respond in this range of ways. And if it’s not fear, if it’s intuition, like for me, my intuition is pretty matter of fact, mm-hmm, pretty, I don’t really have a huge emotional response to it. It just is like, make sense. It, like, my body feels calm and settled. And when I feel fear, obviously I feel agitated as fuck.

And I, you know, I like worry and I’m like, oh wait, okay. How many other times has this been intuition or fear? No, the sensation. Right. But, but I also, I wouldn’t really encourage anyone to just generalize. I would just encourage people to pay attention in the moment. Cause. There can also be pieces like both of those things can happen at the same time, but, um, what came up when you were talking?

And what’s what I’m being reminded of now is that I think humans, I don’t know if it’s our culture or where this comes from, but we have a skewed idea of what trust is. So when we actualize, you know, when we grow up and, and learn who we are and, um, make decisions in the world and stuff, we, we generally relate to other people in the way of like, here’s this sheet of paper, here’s all my criteria.

And if you check all these boxes, then at the end, I’ll give you, I’ll give you my trust. And if you don’t do any of these things, then I will take my trust back. And so when we live in that way, we’re kind of setting ourselves up to live in that hypervigilant on edge need to control way because we’re at the mercy and the whim of the, our external environment.

Um, and so what I realized is that whatever we’ve been through and like some of us have been through some really fucked up shit. Right. But we’ve made it through, we figured it out. We’ve, we’ve managed to be okay. You know, and, and we obviously like we’re at different stages of our journey of okayness, you know, we’re, we’re all healing.

Um, but generally if we, if we look back at our life and we can see, oh, you know, I might not have known what to do when this happened, but I figured it out or I was able to receive support, or I was able to access my internal support, whatever that was like, we recognize that our trust actually is an inside job.

If we can trust that we will be okay, that we will be resourced in the moments we need it, then. We don’t need to get ahead of anything. We don’t even need to make a list of criteria. We don’t need to figure those things out in advance at all. We can just show up to the moment, see what’s there and, and navigate it as best we can.

Yeah. So that itself, like, just as I’m saying that I can feel like a big ripple of just like relaxation come through my body. Same. And so it’s just inviting us to, yeah. And, and on the other thing too, is like this idea of taking personal responsibility, you know, that’s really hard. Um, and some, sometimes we don’t wanna take personal responsibility.

Sometimes we want someone else to be responsible. And so that’s another thing that creates kind of like that nervous system tangle, cuz sometimes we didn’t take responsibility when we should have. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have, I mean, I have so many things <laugh>, I don’t even know where to start. I have so many things.

Um, let’s see, mystical force. <laugh> where do you want me to go? Next? The other thing that I wanted to mention too, is just that your nervous system has an electromagnetic field and so does your heart. And so, again, like, this is just another reason to look into the energy because, um, people, so when we get hurt, like we tend to close down, we tense our bodies, we even inhabit the posture, our shoulders come forward, we protect our heart.

And then if it sinks deep enough into us, we struggle to open. Or we decide that we don’t wanna open mm-hmm <affirmative> we’re like, I’m not opening again. Mm-hmm but a closed heart. Doesn’t radiate the same electromagnetic electromagnetic field, right? It, it like shuts it. I don’t think it shuts it down completely.

Um, like some people say I haven’t found that, but it’s like a trickle instead of like a broad like beam mm-hmm . And so what I was taught is that an open heart emits this radiant force that essentially protect. So if you can tune into that, if you can rest in it, if you can open your heart and trust that you’ll be okay, no matter what happens.

Um, then I think that creates that nervous system relaxation that actually allows us to get into our body without the nervous system being the gatekeeper that it usually is for a lot of people. Yeah. And that makes me wanna ask you, um, for people who have experienced, you know, especially in childhood, they experienced a lot of.

My environment really is not safe. Yeah. You know, like I really can’t trust my parents to take care of me. I really cannot trust, like, so they obviously that that’s the conditions under which this like closure and constriction develops. Right? Yep. Um, or it develops later in life, whenever you find yourself with a or who is abusive or neglectful or emotionally unavailable, you like your nervous system maybe goes into the experience very open and then you get hurt.

And that creates like, oh no, no, no, fuck that. You’re not hurting me again. I’m never gonna feel this way again. So I’m just gonna build these walls and I’m gonna close my heart down. And like, um, and so I’m curious, like, What is it that you do with your clients? Cause I’m sure we do very similar things, but I wanna know what it is that you do with your clients, where like, they, they really cannot grasp a situation or the conditions in which it is safe to trust.

It is safe to try again, it is safe to be vulnerable and put yourself out there and you don’t have to spec that, that heartbreak and, um, you know, horrible feeling of being betrayed or not being safe or whatever that it’s not going to come every time. Like how, how do you help people with that? I think it just comes down to the awareness that there’s no timeline, there’s no rush.

And so it’s in each person has an individual journey in your, at where you’re at. So obviously creating safety is super, super important. So, but like reclaiming our own safety. How, how can we, you know, can you even recognize that you’re safe right now, right in your body, in this room? You know, hopefully you’re not in danger, in active danger.

Right? And so if you, if you are in a space where you are more or less safe, but you’re feeling unsafe, that’s what we wanna look at. Cause if you’re not actively in a situation where harmful things are happening to you, but you’re carrying it like a backpack or it’s embedded throughout yourself, we wanna look at expanding that space where, where we’re recognizing and retraining the system to, to see, yeah, like I’m safe here and I’m safe here and I’m safe here.

Um, but there are some people who, I’m sorry to interrupt you. I just I’m gonna play the devil’s advocate for a second. But like there are, there are people, especially people who isolate themselves where they’re like, I am safe as long as I’m in my own house, my own environment. Uh, isolated away from people.

It’s when I get around people that I can’t trust, I can’t open myself because that’s where I’m gonna get hurt. So they, they have like a perceived sense of safety when they’re by themselves and they don’t want to be social or be in relationships where they’re needing to be vulnerable or go deeper because that’s their experience of where they get hurt.

Right. So I think it comes down to what does that person actually want to experience? Because a person is happy being isolated, living their life apart from other people. Um, if, if they’re truly joyful and, and that feels fulfilling and that’s what they want, then why would we come in and change that? Yeah.

You know? Um, but, but again, it just, it depends what you want to create because like we, our brains are wired to be in community and to support each other and, and to belong. And so typically most people. You know, I don’t really have anyone coming to me for support because they’re happy about their, the way their life is going with me, because they’re like, ah, I feel stuck.

I’m having these blind spots. I don’t know what to do. Um, but I think the biggest thing is, is just recognizing that where you are is okay. It’s okay to be where you are. It’s okay to be dissatisfied with your, if it’s okay to be heartbroken about the things that have happened to you, it’s okay to be full of grief full of trauma.

But then what do you wanna do with that? Mm-hmm and, and also like, I, I often ask my clients, I’m like, what, what do you want, how do you want me to approach this? Because do you want me to hold you with lot? Is that what you need right now? Or do you want me to tell you the things that are gonna change your situation?

Cause holding you with love is really beautiful and it’s a totally necessary part of the process, but it’s. The way I approach it is like more comforting it’s that nervous system regulation piece, which is absolutely crucial because if you’re dysregulated, you can’t learn anything new. You can’t really, it it’s the it’s the forefront.

It needs to, um, it needs to happen first, but we also have to recognize that at a certain point, um, like regulation even becomes a coping mechanism for some people mm-hmm so like I’m too scared to look at what I don’t wanna look at. So as long as I can stay in this loop, I don’t have to confront what I have disapproval for.

I can just keep playing this out. Yeah. And so it’s, it’s really, it’s hard to speak about in general, because it’s so different based on each person, each person, each approach is truly unique and, um, I, I honestly, I think that’s why I get the results that I do because I’m not trying to apply a formula to a person, right.

A person’s not a formula, a person is this like unique constellation of all these different pieces of experiences and what they believe about those experiences and what they think and feel about those experiences and all of those things have an impact. And depending how much that whatever they believe or think about gets run through the system.

More of that particular frequency will take up mm-hmm um, their energy field. Absolutely. And I, I mean, I can say, you know, I love talking about the nervous system. It’s my favorite thing in the whole world to talk about. Um, but beyond the, the physiological biological things that are happening, you know, our nervous systems control, literally everything our body does automatically hormone production, sleep, uh, weight, um, yes.

You know, heart rate, digestion, elimination, immune system, like our, our nervous systems do control all of those physiological processes that we need to survive. Yeah. What I feel, and I, you know, , I don’t have a scientific study to prove this. And I tell people all the time, if a scientific study person is what you’re looking for, I’m not the person for you because that’s, that’s not my Mo um, but what I’m realizing more and more is like, I feel like the nervous system is almost like a radio antenna.

Like a radio receiver. And when the radio is tuned to the station of. Will say the pain body or ego, then the nervous system is dysregulated. There’s a lot of static, you know, it’s like you like Greek, you know, um, like that going on every once in a while you catch a little bit of a song and then it goes right out again, and then you hear the static, you know?

Um, and in that state there’s, and it’s literally chaos in the body. Um, and also in the mind because the thoughts reflect the state of the nervous system. So there’s, there’s chaos, there’s dysregulation, there’s lack of safety. Um, people are probably experiencing physical symptoms. Um, there’s an inability to set boundaries and inability to feel like an overcomer, cause you’re always stuck in that victim place.

Um, so that’s when the nervous system is tuned. You know, the radio antenna is tuned to the dial of the pain body. When the nervous system is tuned to the dial of the soul or the higher self or the mystical, whatever, like. Like the nervous system is that is the channel through which we receive downloads from higher cell for spirit.

Right? Like that’s how we receive those things. That’s why we developments is important. Absolutely. And so at like when the, the dial is turned to that station, like we feel in flow, we feel aligned. We feel more open instead of closed. Um, we have more, we spaciousness in our lives for new experiences, risks, relationships, love, um, like that’s all there and all of us, no matter how long we’ve been on the journey, all of us still our, our dials tune over to like pain body station still.

Right. Like mine definitely does. <laugh> so, so that’s one thing that I know to be true about the nervous system is yes, it is this physical thing. That’s controlling all of these mechanisms in our body that are necessary for our survival, but I think it’s so much more than that. And can I just say something here?

Yeah, please. Um, so I think sometimes people think that. Openness or healing trauma means that you’re just gonna only feel good things from now on. Right. Right. And so the experience of openness, isn’t just a, the happy slice of the pie. Cause that would still be closed, right? Yeah. Openness is the full range.

So it means you are going to feel that pain body end of the spectrum, but you’re gonna be open to the full range. So when you notice that pain body end of the spectrum being present, you don’t panic. You don’t shut down. You’re able to be with it yes. In a different way. Absolutely. And so, yeah, so I, I think that, and, and I know myself too, like the whole reason I into this work, um, was because, you know, I had a really, uh, fucked up childhood and carried a lot of trauma and I followed the fairy tale that if I did energy work, if I just did enough energy work and healed enough trauma, then I would be happy forever.

I would have a happily ever after. Not fucking real. No. Um, but at the same time, whatever gets you on the ride, like the truth is the truth, regardless of what’s happening. So you’re going to find out like it’s still worthwhile. I’m still glad I studied all the things that I studied when I was in my twenties.

I just, I really, a lot of self-esteem from accomplishment. So I studied a ton of different things. I felt my grandpa really wanted me to be a doctor because I had great marks and I didn’t wanna be a doctor. Um, I dabbled with the idea of going into nursing. I enrolled in nursing twice and dropped out both times before it started.

Cuz I was like, this is not the field for me. Like I won’t be able to do what I wanna do. Yeah. Um, but I was like dazzled by the idea of like security and stability and you know, I I’m a mom, so I was like, oh, I can work anywhere and do anything. But. I have those skills that allow me to do that anyways. So , I don’t do more of those things.

Um, but yeah, so all the different things I studied, like at one point I was like, oh man, like I spent so much money and so much time learning all these things, but now I have all of this information to draw from. Yeah. Sense of what’s going on for my clients and myself. Yeah. So, so even though, you know, like this is another part of the, the piece that just allows me to trust in the wisdom of someone’s journey in that confluence piece, because it literally is just, just building right.

All the things that happened to me. Like I couldn’t do the work that I do today. I don’t think had I not had the childhood that I had mm-hmm because I had to be so attuned to my environment. So attuned to other people’s bodies and the sensations being provided by them and the energy of the, the room or the house, or that’s what I mean.

That’s how you attune. You’re like any subtle shift you you’re on it. Notice it. Yeah. Cause you notice it. And so now I can do that. So easy with my clients. I hear all the dissonance mm-hmm <affirmative> I can feel all the turbulence and, and know what to do about it. Yeah. It served you, it served me. It’s it’s exactly.

And so, and you know, there would’ve been times on my journey where I could not hear it served me. I’d be like, fuck that and fuck you for saying it, but truly, truly, you know, I’m 30 and I’ve um, yeah, I’ve just, it it’s that trust piece it’s happening. It’s happening and I’m being shaped by it. And how do I wanna be shaped by it?

Yeah. You know, and can I, can I go easier on myself? Can I make it easier on myself? Fe I’m being shaped by this thing. Yeah. Yeah. That’s a question that I’ve been asking myself for a little over a year, I think is like, anytime I, because it’s, as you said, I love that you said what you said about, like, people think that they’re gonna do all this work and openness and softness equals.

I’m gonna feel sunshine and rainbows and unicorns all the time. And it’s not that because then you’re closed off to the grief and the shadow and the ego and all of that. So openness is actually being open to the full range of emotions, experiences, sensations in your body. Um, yes, it is that. And, um, but you do suffer so much less.

You do you do, and the so much less. Yes. And the question that I’ve been asking myself as I open to this whole range of experiences and feelings is what if this was easy? Like what if, what if this was easy? Even if it’s something I don’t want to feel or experience or go through. What, what is the best way that I can make this easier for myself and the answer?

Every single time always comes in the form of a, a mental image of being in a river with a lot of rapids. And it’s a very fast paced river with a current. And if you’re swimming against the current to try to get out of the river and save yourself from the pain of being in the river, then you’re gonna get tired.

You’re gonna lose your strength, and you’re gonna end up going down the waterfall anyway. But if you relax and let the river like take you, chances are pretty high that eventually you’re gonna get to a spot where like the is gonna be a little Eddie, a little pool that goes off, and the current is naturally gonna take you into that place.

And so actually, when I am like, oh, I don’t wanna feel this. Like, that’s the white knuckling. And like, I’m not making it easy because I’m still holding on and I’m still resisting and it’s letting go and trusting that this thing, whatever this thing is, is not gonna take me over that waterfall and kill me.

It gets 10. I am going to survive this. And the only way through is through, it’s not fighting and clawing my way against a current that I have absolutely no control over. And, um, there’s a song, um, that I love so much. It’s by a band called woo foot. Um, I don’t know if you’re familiar with woo foot. If you’re not, you should, you should be familiar with them.

I think you’ll love their music. Um, but it’s called you’re it. And it’s, it’s about like, like someone letting go and realizing that like floating down this river, even if it’s scary is like literally the only way. Out , you know, but at the same time too, like sometimes, um, Sometimes, if you are caught in the current being resourced, having skills and tools, um, is, is important because there absolutely there might be the current might take you, but there might also be an opportunity for you to shift and swim towards shore.

If you just know when to apply that technique and what to do. But again, it’s moment to moment. So we can’t. You know, just like, um, there’s no plan. <laugh> no, there’s well, you know, we, we often we dazzle ourselves and we make a plan. We try to plan, but the plan goes awry and then we get upset about that too, because it’s just, yeah.

It’s everything’s in the moment. Mm-hmm, <affirmative>, it’s just, it’s it’s there. And I think the other thing too, that humans do is they make themselves wrong for having an experience where they feel some way they don’t wanna feel mm-hmm <affirmative> oh, I must have done something wrong for this. And I don’t know if this is like Christian indoctrination, um, where, like, you know, you’re a sinner, you’re bad.

You have to fear all these things cuz it’s a like yeah. Culmination. That’s definitely by, that’s definitely where it’s rooted in for me. Like I still notice myself going down the path of like believing that when bad things happen to me, that. That is the consequence of doing something that I shouldn’t have done.

And there’s, it’s like, I don’t believe in the God of the Bible or Jesus or any of that shit anymore, but that punitive nature of the universe is like still ingrained into me. So that’s definitely where it comes from for me. Yeah. For a lot of people. And it’s, um, it’s really interesting because like I was raised in the church and then I left was really fucking angry for a long time.

and then I, yeah. And then I did, um, so last ye no, 2019, we opened a multi tradition, spiritual practice and wellness center called grateful here in Saskatoon. And it was a store and the store was kind of like the safety net that could support the practice space. So that. Anyone could come regardless of financial capacity.

So we are providing solid mental health support in the community of Saskatoon, and then later online as well, um, with just a variety of practices, because whether you have a spiritual practice or a religious practice or not like you are a spiritual be, you can’t get away from that. It’s a really important part of your health.

And if you’re neglecting that part of you, you’re gonna feel some type of fucked up way. Like it’s just, it’s just, yeah. You can only do that for so long. Um, yeah, there’s a disconnect <laugh> yeah. And it doesn’t mean like everybody’s gonna experience it differently, right? Like for me, um, being in nature, really, I’m not doing anything I’m just walking or sitting outside or whatever, but that’s hugely beneficial for the spiritual aspect of myself.

Um, but so I really had to go through this, um, I, I had to be with my frustrations and my, and, and sit with them. And I did this training called inner engineering with ed gudu. Um, for, I don’t know if you’re familiar withed gudu, but um, I love him so much. He’s been really, really helpful and he talks a lot about Jesus and in inner engineering, you, um, do this really be well, there’s a whole bunch of different things that you do.

It’s kind of wild, but you do this meditation where you, um, you expand your love. So I take my students through something similar sometimes. Um, I’ve like it it’s just so transformative. So you imagine the person or the people you love the most in the world. And then, um, You expand it out to like, you know, someone, maybe acquaintances or family members, and then people you don’t know, and then like maybe your neighbors or a stranger on the sidewalk, or some plants, some animals, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And eventually you’re just like loving the whole cosmos. And it’s really beautiful. You feel like this in described connection to all things. And so one time I wanted to take myself through that exercise again, but I added an extra step at the end and I was like, like some or two extra steps is like someone you have a conflict with or challenge or whatever.

Um, and then yourself, because often we judge ourselves from half having conflict or whatever with someone. And so there’s like self forgiveness that happens too. And, and yeah, and it just, it really transformed my difficulty. With the church, um, or with people, people on my path who I thought had closed me off to God, but really I had made the decision to be, I, I remember actually made the decision to be closed off to God.

Cause I always felt like I had that connection, but I closed off to those people. Mm-hmm because I was like, that’s wrong, that’s bad, whatever. Um, and so, yeah. So in order to have this practice space, um, I can’t just be like, oh, multi tradition. Everyone’s welcome. Except one. Right, right. Like that’s just bullshit.

And you can’t do that if you can’t embody it. So, um, man, I had a, what I thought was like. A poignant point to make there, but I totally lost one once. that’s OK. It’ll come back. It’ll come back. Um, yeah. And, and I actually had a poignant point that I wanted to make as well about the nervous system. And I think it goes with what you’re saying, which is that in addition to all the physiological biological things that our nervous systems do, um, like I believe the nervous system is the means by which intellectual understanding becomes embodied.

And I think that it happens, um, and this is so simple. People are gonna be like, oh my gosh, that’s so stupid. But it really is so simple. I think we underestimate the power of the pause because the pause, like in a moment of difficulty, in a moment of feeling dysregulated. If you like when you normally would go this way and you would reinforce that pathway in your brain of when this happens, this is how I behave.

This is how I act. This is, this is how I stuff, my feelings, whatever it is. Like if we have the pause before that moment happens, um, then that get of this, the opportunity to actually rewire our brains and take advantage of neuroplasticity to do something else. And so that old pathway that’s been carved in our brains, like the grand canyon.

Eventually we can start to reroute it, you know, and it BEC can form a new pathway. And then the old one is like a highway that doesn’t get driven on anymore. And it just grows over with plants and it cracks and it, you, and then you can’t drive on it anymore because, but it happens in the pause. And that is for me.

Anyway, the pause has been instrumental in this process of opening and receiving because I notice myself. Feeling a feeling or feeling a sensation in my body that would normally have caused me to react in a certain way. And when I allow the pause and I mean, it’s an intentional, like I choose the pause.

I’m not saying I allow it. I choose the pause when I choose the pause, then it’s like, that is the magical moment. That’s my opportunity to go from unconscious reaction to conscious response. And that conscious response is actually what the openness is. It’s like, this is how I’m converging or influencing with whatever is happening to me in this moment.

Whereas whenever it was an unconscious reaction, that was the resist. That was me not influencing with what’s happening in this moment. Yes. So the way, okay, amazing. So the, the way that I have. Discovered or for, for myself anyway, the nervous system is the channel through which the intellectual becomes embodied.

Your heart is really important too, because your heart works in tandem with your brain to make that possible. Yeah, absolutely. Do you wanna talk about that more? Um, sure. Yeah, I think this is one of the reasons that a, of my focus and my teachings are on openness, because if your heart is closed, you can intellectualize all of those things, but you’re, you can’t really hook into the magic that allows for, um, more ease of neuroplasticity.

Yeah. The heart works in tandem with the brain. So, um, one of the modalities that I practice with my clients is body talk. I don’t know if you’re familiar with body talk or not, but yeah. And so, so when we tap out, when we close a session, there’s a variety of different ways that we can complete, that we can help the client’s body to integrate.

But typically the most common is that we tap over the head over the heart and over the belly, the gut, like the Naver just below. And so essentially what we’re doing is we are highlighting all of this things that we’re addressing, right? So when we do the body talk session, we, we bring out a formula. So it’s a series of steps that your body has gone out of balance that your nervous system has logged.

So we’re kind of like hacking into that log and taking a piece out and looking at it. And then, so we’ve, we’ve highlighted that the nervous system goes over shit. Like we need to repair this right now. I was like, somehow sleeping on it, or I didn’t have the right conditions or whatever, but we’re going to take care of this right now.

So we tap over the nervous system and we essentially turn the lights out on those neurological pathways. So they’re no longer an option. And then we tap over the heart and the heart works in tandem with the brain to either restore preexisting neurological pathways that are healthier, or that are moving the client in the direction that they want to go, helping them create the experience they want to create or establishing new neurological pathways.

Wow. <affirmative> and so, but I wanna learn more about that <laugh> yeah. And then, so in my experience, like, again, like I’m not super scientific, although I am pretty skeptical. Um, but this is all just like, based on my experience and what I see treating my clients for just about 17 years. So in tap of, for the gut, the gut helps to sort of like seal that information.

I’m like quoting you can’t see it. Like you can see it, but the listeners can’t see it seal that information. So what I experience happens is then all of the changes that have been made when we tap over the gut. There’s like a, a sense of releasing anything, any energy that you know is part of the integration process.

We’re letting go of anything that doesn’t need to be held in the system anymore, but also we’re either reminding or letting the cells know for the first time that they is, is what’s happening so that all the cells are reflecting accurate information because every cell knows what all the other cells are doing.

Right. They’re like community, they work in harmony. And obviously like my arm cell and my leg cell, aren’t doing the same thing or my arm cell and my heart cell, aren’t doing the same thing. Right. They have specific encoded instructions for what they do, but like a cell is a cell. So they, they need to all know all the accurate information.

So that they’re all working in concert or in harmony mm-hmm yeah. When you said the gut, the first thing that I thought of was, um, It’s like metabolizing what? Yes. Like the experience metabolizing it and then eliminating what no longer serves. Yep. Totally. Sometimes we build in a diaphragm intestines link because diaphragm is huge, huge, huge in terms of processing emotions.

Like what’s like you, you even, um, referenced it earlier. You’re like, yeah. When I was like stressed and dis I would breathe shallow. Yeah. Right. Our diaphragm gets restricted as we breathe more and more shallow our diaphragm, our pelvic floor, our shoulders. Like they, they all just like crunch up and bunch up.

And so diaphragm to intestines link helps to take out any of the trauma that’s stored in the ribcage, the diaphragm, the really fucking rigid stock, emotional stuff, and move it through the intestines because the consciousness of the large intestine is letting go both figuratively and literally, right.

Yeah. Yeah. So yeah. Makes so much sense. But yeah, so, so this is one of the reasons I’m so passionate about helping people open because. If your heart isn’t open and, and not just your heart, like your field, your entire right. Everything that makes up you. So not just your physical body, but your energetic essence as well.

If, if that’s not open and, and to be clear, we, if you’re not open, it’s not a bad thing. There’s always a reason for whatever you’re experiencing the goal. Isn’t the goal. Isn’t to shame yourself for not being open right now, if you’re sitting there listening, if you’re in your body and you’re like, fuck, I am closed.

That’s okay. Yeah. There is a very good reason or probably multiple reasons that you’re in that state and that’s all right. That’s just where you’re at right now, but it doesn’t have to be that way forever. Mm-hmm <affirmative> and, and the more you can open the less it hurts when you’re hurt. Yes. The more you’re closed.

It just deepens that wounding. And so there’s a, there are very good reasons to, you know, invest in one’s own openness. But, um, well I just, I have another Instagram post of yours, um, that I also wanted to read. And you, you know, you say, if you’re not open, you’re closed and normally I’m not super into binaries like that, but there are certain binaries that are true, you know, and there, and so you say there is no partway open on my way to being open.

I’ll open more. When X happens, I’ll open more when X stops happening. Like no, if you’re not open, you’re closed. And if you’re closed, you’re open to receive to create, to flow, surrender, accept, expand, connect, and integrate. And that’s okay. And then you say, let me be clear here. There is nothing wrong with being closed.

Being closed is just part of it all. But if we want to open, we do need to look at recognize and take responsibility for the conditions under which we closed. Um, yeah. And I mean, that is, that is ultimately the root of all of it, right? Yep. So many people are like, oh, I wanna do this. I wanna manifest this.

I wanna quantum leap this. I want this, I want this. I’m like, yeah. Okay. And what are you willing to do about it? Yeah, because it’s, um, it starts here with us. It starts inside. Yeah. Everything I out there is just a reflection of what’s in here.

Yeah. A hundred percent, a hundred percent. Um, but I just wanna check in with you, is there anything that you feel that you wanna to say or needed to say before we wrap up that hasn’t been said already?

Um, I don’t know. I don’t think so. I like there’s part of me. That’s like advertise your shit market your work, but no, I do want you to do that actually. <laugh> yeah, I mean, I do, I guess so. I just, um, yeah. So want you to tell people like how, where they can find you and how they can work with you if they want to.

And we will include links, um, in the show notes for those things as well. For sure. So I have been working on my bio. Um, just so cuz I was like, yeah, you know, I was at a women’s gathering a little while ago and so many, it was just a coffee and connection thing. So I, I just thought we were all having coffee.

I didn’t realize it was like a networking business opportunity thing. And all these women had elevator pitches and I noticed myself going, Ugh, elevator or pitches. They feel so gross to me. They feel so smarmy. And I was like, oh, like you were saying in the very beginning of the episode, <laugh> I’m doing that thing again where I’m I don’t have the thing.

So I’m making the thing wrong. No, I didn’t have an elevator pitch until I sat with trying to make a bio for myself so that I could send it to you. Uh, somehow I managed to do this business for long enough and not have a bio <laugh> it’s OK, dude. So, so I, I realized that like essentially I’m a professional illuminator.

Like my, my business is called Illumina wellness because. I’m so good at listening and identifying the pieces of your life, the places that you close habitually on yourself, that’s just like second nature to me. I’m so good at identifying those. What are you in human design? Uh, I’m a generator. Okay. And it, it’s interesting because I’m an emotional authority, but I, I don’t actually feel like that works for me.

My SAC role works better. Like I definitely notice some of it, but if I wait, I lose momentum and like, like I need to trust my Sacra and, and trust the confluence. So if something’s coming through me and I feel energized and excited about it, I gotta follow it. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, but yeah, so I’m here in service to the mystical and physical forces that bring your highest self through to this world.

Mm, love that. So that encompasses the full range. I’m not here to get you to transcend your body, to have some enlightened mystical experience. Cuz I think that’s bullshit. Your body is a vessel. It’s a vehicle it’s so sacred. It’s so important. It’s gotta come along for the ride. Mm-hmm <affirmative> a lot of people are missing that.

They’re just like, oh it’s base, you know, gotta be above. No, you don’t need to be above your body. You need to, the body is so basic. <laugh> yeah. You’re like, no, like literally me, we need the physical, but we also need to not get so caught up in the physical that we forget about the mystical. Right. Because there are all these experiences happening that we, we don’t have language for mm-hmm <affirmative> but they’re happening <affirmative> and so, yeah, so they’re and, and those, those forces, co-create the magic that is you in the world.

And when you’re in that magic, when you’re in the flow, when you’re in confluence, That’s when you can, that’s when you’re open, that’s when you can express your magic to the world. And that’s when you give the world your medicine. Yeah. Without being scared of how it’s gonna be received, you know, and, and your medicine is gonna be different than my medicine, which is gonna be different than their medicine.

But we each have a unique thing that we are meant to bring to the world. Mm-hmm <affirmative> we are born to be in relationship with the world. Yeah. And look at the world right now. We have so many people being like this world is so fucked up. I’m gonna complain about it, but I’m gonna be hands off. Yeah.

Or I’m gonna like, activisty post about it on my social media, but that’s all I’m gonna do. And I’m like, what is that really doing? Nothing. It’s it’s um, makes them feel better. Yeah. Like, you know, and, and honestly, like, we need things like that to feel better in times when we feel helpless, but why don’t we have a conversation about why we feel helpless and how we feel helpless and what we could do instead mm-hmm <affirmative>.

Like several years ago, um, some friends and I made these free food boxes in our community. We made 14. They’re like, they’re like the free library. Do you guys have those? Mm-hmm <affirmative> yeah. So same thing, but I, the reason we did it was I was sitting in, I was at a meditation practice. Um, and I realized, holy shit, if you, you can’t address your spiritual needs, right.

You can’t hear your guidance cuz your basic needs aren’t met. Yes. Holy shit. There are so many people going unserved because they don’t have what they need and we could easily just take the food that we’re gonna waste or just put a little bit at extra out or whatever. We could easily make that available to people in the community.

Mm-hmm <affirmative>. And, and maybe you’re even a person like it, it’s not limited to a certain person. Maybe you’re out for a run and you have low blood sugar and you need to get a granola bar from the box. It’s there for you. Yeah, fuck. It’s there for you. <laugh> um, so yeah, so just so, so I’ve been treating clients for just about 17 years.

Um, I, again, with a whole shit ton of different modalities, so I don’t go into it with, um, a formula or an idea. I go into it with the intention to listen and to meet the person where they most need to be met. I offer a variety of different workshops and classes. Um, I do an open, do a monthly session called open, which is basically just a container where you can show up and receive.

So we do breathwork. We do yoga Nera. We do a group energy healing. And I trust that whoever shows up to that is, um, are the right people. And so there’s open. Um, I have a six, maybe eight. I don’t know. There’s a lot of curriculum. I’m not sure I can condense it down into six, but I’m gonna try, we’ll see, uh, women’s program called vessel.

That’s coming up and it’s all about the care and the maintenance of feminine system in a world built for men. And not to say that in like a derogatory way. It’s just that, you know, the systems we, we live in, we live in a page. They often, they often don’t work. They, they often part of it is like they often cause closure in women, but at the I’m noticing they’re so beautifully designed for women to practice openness.

So, so there is a gift in it, as much as it might be hard to see sometimes it’s, it’s almost like it does help us to unlock our feminine magic. Mm-hmm <affirmative>. Because it gives us opportunities to practice that. Can you open here? Can you open here? Can you be the love that this moment meets mm-hmm it reminds me, honestly, what’s coming up for me, as you say that is it, it takes me back to working with a physical therapist.

And when I was doing some really deep, gentle core work with a physical therapist, um, um, we were trying to get these like super, super low, tiny muscles, um, in my lower core to activate. And like, I just, I was doing all the movements the right way. I was going slow. I was keeping my sacrum still, like I was doing everything, but I wasn’t feeling the muscles activate.

And so I just said, could you just touch, could you just touch the muscle and just her touching it? Like I was able to feel in and get it to activate. So it’s almost like what you’re saying is these, these things that are masculine in nature, um, that kind of force women to close, it’s also providing that like biofeedback or that touch point to know this is exactly where you open.

You got it. And when you look at it from that place, you’re like, holy shit. How, yeah. How fucking brilliant it’s astounding. Yeah. And you can also forget and be like how fucked up <laugh>. I mean, there are a lot of things that are fucked up about the patriarchy <laugh> uh, yes. We’re not, we’re not, we’re not dismissing the patriarch.

Not saying that. No, just noticing. What’s also available to notice in those moments. Um <laugh> so in addition to open and vessel, um, I’m relaunching a program also this spring called sovereign beings. It’s a six week journey through emotions. So, and, and basically kind of an investigation of the ways we close and what to do about it.

So here’s some resources, if you’re angry, this is how you can process anger. If you’re sad, this is how you can process that. If you’re clinging to joy, this is what to investigate. So we can do less gripping of all the emotional states. And we can also recognize the value and the validity of the emotional frequencies in their non recognizable mood states.

For example, fear helps us to pay attention. You know, I can’t count the times the people are like, I just wish fear didn’t exist. And I’m like, no, you don’t. Yeah, no, you don’t. It would be chaos. If fear did not exist, like the frequency of fear helps us do so many things. Right? Yeah. Anger. The, the frequency of anger helps us to be motivated.

So anger is actually tied up in your creativity. Yeah. So, and, and your motivation to do those things in the world. So they’re really, really important too. Yeah. So, yeah. And then, um, I’m working on a program called range, which is about window of tolerance, um, and how to support yourself through that. And then there is also, but it’ll be less sciencey and more like energetics mm-hmm <affirmative> and then Oracle I’m still, I’m working on Oracle too.

That’s a nine month certification program certification on certification, wild mystical time. Love it. All right. To all that. Yeah. Okay. Perfect. Um, well thank you so much. Oh, people can find you on Instagram. Yes. They can find me on Instagram. I’m in the process of making like. Websites and landing pages for all of this information.

I, I still am like, is it necessary? I don’t know. But I think, I think at this point in my career, like a little more masculine containment, uh, would probably be helpful. <laugh> I tend to just wake up and go, I wanna do things by how I feel and that’s great. But if I wanna scale and emotional authority <laugh> yeah, totally.

It’s a hundred percent. And so I love it. I can. Yeah. But I there’s a lot of people that, um, wanna walk with me and work with me. And so if I’m able to serve, I’m much able, I’m much more able to serve them better if I have strategies and systems in place. So, so much of my energy, isn’t going to like navigating or answering the same a billion times.

Right. Just because I value connection. So I’m like, oh, I’d rather have an in have a conversation with the person. But like, I can’t do that a hundred times a day or that’s all I do. Right. Yeah. I hear that dude. Yeah. I wish I often wish I could like multiply myself like three times if I could just multiply myself three times.

yes. And I could serve so many more people. Um, yes. So I get it. So we’re gonna link to all your things. Oh, and oh yeah, go ahead. And of course, um, yeah, so there’s also one-on-one sessions that I do. Oh, yes, for sure. Okay. All right. Well, we’re gonna link to all the things so people can find you and work with you, however they want to, which I’m going to encourage them to do.

Um, and I just thank you so much for sharing your wisdom and your insight, and this has been a profoundly helpful conversation for me, and I’m sure it has been for our listeners as well. So thank you. Awesome. Thank you so much.

 

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