I feel really sad, y’all.
All over the Internet, I keep seeing posts that are essentially denying healing to men — especially straight, white men. And I *hate* to use this word, but it’s… problematic.
While it’s true that a lot of abuse, harm, and violence occurs through the actions of men, it is also true that women are just as capable of causing harm.
While it’s true that, historically, men have led colonizing expeditions that ended up decimating Black and/or Indigenous populations either through disease, persecution, or both, it is also true that women have enacted violence upon BIPOC folks.
And, while it’s true that men uphold oppressive systems like patriarchy, it is also true that the majority of patriarchy in my own life has happened at the hands of women, not men.
I’m not saying men haven’t caused harm. But I am saying *not all men*.
I am married to one of the kindest, gentlest, sweetest men on this planet. Sure, he has his own shit that sometimes (ok, often) affects me and my emotional or mental health, but I have never felt physically unsafe with him. He has never pressured, coerced, or manipulated me into sex or sexual activity. He has never been violent or harmful to our children or anyone else.
And yet, he still has wounds. His mother yelled at her kids a lot when he was young. As a sensitive child, he was severely affected by her temper. His father almost always chose the church and ministering to people over being at home with his family and didn’t model healthy manhood to his sons or daughter.
Just because my husband is straight and white doesn’t mean he doesn’t have pain… or a need to heal this pain.
But, parts of feminism and activism insist that ALL men perpetuate patriarchy and colonization, ALL men represent a lack of safety regarding women’s bodies, and ALL men need to step aside and give the women and marginalized people the floor so we can heal.
I say no.
Men deserve to heal, too. Yes, and maybe even especially, straight, white dudes.
This Episode’s Guest
Chris is a transformation coach who helps people transform their mental and emotional health to take back control of their bodies so they can recover from chronic dieting. He’s also a single dad to the world’s coolest kid and currently the #1 ranked MarioKart player in the world.
Links
- Episode 77: Client Journey — Increasing Self-Trust & Decreasing Control with Chris Willburn
- Work with Chris
- Follow Chris on Instagram
Show Notes
I’m not saying men haven’t caused harm. But I am saying *not all men*.
I am married to one of the kindest, gentlest, sweetest men on this planet. Sure, he has his own shit that sometimes (ok, often) affects me and my emotional or mental health, but I have never felt physically unsafe with him. He has never pressured, coerced, or manipulated me into sex or sexual activity. He has never been violent or harmful to our children or anyone else.
And yet, he still has wounds. His mother yelled at her kids a lot when he was young. As a sensitive child, he was severely affected by her temper. His father almost always chose the church and ministering to people over being at home with his family and didn’t model healthy manhood to his sons or daughter.
Just because my husband is straight and white doesn’t mean he doesn’t have pain… or a need to heal this pain.
But, parts of feminism and activism insist that ALL men perpetuate patriarchy and colonization, ALL men represent a lack of safety regarding women’s bodies, and ALL men need to step aside and give the women and marginalized people the floor so we can heal.
I say no.
Men deserve to heal, too. Yes, and maybe even especially, straight, white dudes.
