My 16-year-old daughter joins me on the podcast to share an incident we had with the Department of Homeland Security during our return from a mother-daughter trip to Mexico earlier this year. She tells the story from her perspective, including what she was feeling in her body and her thoughts on how I handled it as the adult/mom.
We talk about trauma responses and what they feel like in her body and whether or not feeling her feelings has been helpful for my daughter. (Hint: she says she doesn’t believe that “this stuff works”, but what makes me super happy is that she actually has the language to even have the conversation.)
At first glance, this episode seems to not paint me or my work in a very positive light. But what I hope listeners will glean from this episode is that, as parents, our kids often think what we try to teach them is dumb or pointless, but the important thing is that we’re planting seeds. Our kids have their own journeys, their own karma to work out, their own soul mission and contracts.
There’s no way they’re going to leave home without trauma or nervous system dysregulation — even with a parent who is a trauma coach and nervous system educator! Still, my daughter has language, and that gives me hope.
This Episode’s Guest
Addie is my 17-year-old daughter. She is a talented artist and secret ukulele player. She’s currently obsessed with Stranger Things, Queen and Freddie Mercury, and TikTok humor that I don’t understand.
NEWS:
Nervous System 101 (my one-stop workshop for all things nervous system, brain inflammation, and trauma) is coming up again very soon! By popular request, I’m offering 2 different times; pick the one that works best for your schedule.
Saturday, June 4 at 11am CDT
or
Tuesday, June 7 at 6pm CDT
Tickets are $55, however if you need financial assistance, please send me a DM on Instagram or email support@lindseylockett.com and just say, “Please give me the discount code.” We will give you a code for $20 off your ticket, no questions asked.
Whether you attend live or not, your purchase of a ticket guarantees access to the recording of the workshop, which you will have lifetime access to. The workshop is held live on Zoom and consists of 2 hours of teaching followed by an unlimited amount of time for Q&A at the end.
Seating is limited, so save your spot at LindseyLockett.com/NSYS101
Transcript
Hello, and welcome back to the holistic trauma healing podcast. Thank you so much for being here. Just going to take care of a little bit of housekeeping before we dive into today’s episode, which is a very vulnerable. Interview with my 16 year old daughter, Addie, she’s having her premier. On a podcast.
Uh, but before we dive into that, I just want to share that I am offering my nervous system 1 0 1 workshop again, it’s coming up in less than a week. So I had some requests from people in Europe and Australia and in South Africa asking me to offer the workshop at a time that would allow them in their time zone.
To be able to attend the live event. So I’ve talked about the nervous system 1 0 1 workshop on the podcast in the past. And it’s something that every couple of months or so I offer, and it’s a live workshop on zoom and you buy a ticket, you can attend live, or if you can’t attend live, everyone who gets a ticket receives.
The recording of the workshop. So you can watch it at your convenience, but there is an advantage to attending live. And that’s what these people were asking me for a different time. Um, because they want to attend live. So I have two separate times that I’m offering the nervous system 1 0 1 workshop. And if you really want to attend live, which I encourage you to do so because you get to ask questions at the end and I spend an unlimited amount of time answering questions at the end of the workshops. So I do encourage everyone to attend, to live and to help make that easier.
I’m offering it at two different times. This time around. So the first option is Saturday, June 4th, at 11:00 AM. Central daylight time. The second time is Tuesday, June 7th, at 6:00 PM. Central daylight time. No matter which workshop you choose to attend, the ticket cost is $55. However, if that’s too much for you to swing financially,
I don’t want costs to be a reason why someone can’t receive this life-changing information. And so if you will reach out to me either via email or send me a DM on Instagram, I will give you a discount code that will save you $20 off the cost of your workshop ticket. So it becomes 35 instead of 55. And I hope that little bit of a discount helps.
Helps it feel more accessible and affordable for you? Um, if you’re new to my work and you don’t know anything about what I’m talking about, I am so passionate about teaching, about the nervous system. And I spent years and years on what I call the hamster wheel of wellness. And this was basically over a decade of being involved in the culture that pushes expensive supplement protocols and restrictive healing diets, and hopping from practitioner to practitioner, always chasing symptoms, always trying to fix the chronic and mysterious things that are wrong.
And I spent over 10 years on that hamster wheel and nobody for the entire time that I was on that hamster wheel ever. Mentioned my nervous system to me. And when I learned about the autonomic nervous system, it was like, fireworks went off. Because suddenly all of these chronic and mysterious things that I was experiencing in my body.
That I was trying to fix with quote unquote healing, diets and crazy expensive supplements. We’re rooted in my nervous system and an inflammation in my brain. And the healing that I had saw for over a decade for those chronic and mysterious symptoms actually came rather quickly. When I stopped trying to throw supplements and bone broth and probiotics at my health issues. And I started focusing on taking care of my nervous system, regulating my nervous system and reducing the inflammation in my brain.
And so I teach this workshop nervous system 1 0 1 every so often. And it really is the foundation of my work.
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In this workshop, I teach my four pillars of holistic trauma healing. And that is like the blueprint for my work. If you’re interested in my work. And I really feel like it is you’re right.To know about your nervous system, how it works, how it’s impaired by trauma. The effect that trauma has on your brain and what to do about all of it, because otherwise you’re going to be like me and you are going to spend years on a hamster wheel, always chasing symptoms, always reaching for the next big thing.
The next clinical strain of probiotics or the next fancy. Health gadget or the next healing protocol or the next detox or whatever, always reaching. It’s like a carrot dangling in front of your face that you can never actually get to. And that’s what nervous system work helped me to get out of. Um, I don’t feel like I’m reaching for the carrot of perfect health.
That’s dangling in front of me anymore. Um, and regulating my nervous system has. It’s literally made every part of my life better. Um, it’s helped me in all of my relationships. It’s helped me to set boundaries. It’s helped me to be with uncomfortable sensations and symptoms in my body because health anxiety is something that I’ve struggled with a lot. And it’s really helped me to be with those feelings instead of spiraling into panic.
Um, nervous system work has completely ended panic attacks for me. Um, I can’t even remember the last time I had a panic attack and I truly do owe that to the work that I’ve done on my nervous system. And so I want to invite you to attend nervous system 1 0 1 again, you can come on Saturday, June 4th at 11:00 AM. Central daylight time or Tuesday, June 7th at 6:00 PM. Central daylight time. I will link to the workshop, um, information page in the show notes below.
And if you do decide you want to attend just select which day and time option you want. And then you can check out and just know that if you select Saturday and then you decide that you actually want to attend Tuesday’s workshop, you’re not gonna be able to attend because it’s going to be two separate links. Um, but either way, if you can’t make it live, you will receive the recording of the workshop within 48 hours of when the workshop is held.
So within a couple of days, you’ll have the recording. Anyway, the link to that is Lindsey lockett.com forward slash N S Y S one. Zero one again, I will link to that below and now. I will share with you this. Very vulnerable, uh, episode with my daughter, Addie. And the reason why it’s vulnerable is a, because I somehow managed to get my 16 year old who really likes to avoid adults.
To come on my podcast. And B because not everything she shares in this episode. Paints me in a great light. Um, Or really would even encourage you to pursue some of the work that I do. And I think that speaks to first of all, her age. Um, second of all, I think it speaks to the fact that I didn’t know anything about nervous system work or trauma or trauma responses or awareness.
Before my kids were already into their teenage years. And I truly do believe if I had been able to start this work with them whenever they were a lot younger. Then the conversation might’ve gone in a different way. Um, but essentially what Addie and I are talking about in this episode is an incident.
That we experienced after we traveled to Mexico this past January, and we were coming back into the country and had to go through customs and through the department of Homeland security. And we had an incident. With an officer of the department of Homeland security that was insanely dysregulating. It was terrifying.
Um, it was full of anxiety, full of fear. There was so much energy in this exchange. And, you know, we did the best we could with what we had. And so we’re telling that story today through Addie’s perspective. Um, my perspective is a little bit different. Um, but that is the nature of how stories work. Um, everyone has a different lens through which they experience the story.
And so Addie’s experience shows that her nervous system was in a different state than my nervous system was in during this encounter. And so what I want you to hear though, isn’t that I have a child who is skeptical of. Language around trauma and nervous system work. I don’t want you to hear that my kid, like doesn’t hang on every word I say and take it, like it’s the gospel truth because she doesn’t.
Um, in fact, both of my kids find some of my work to be quite annoying. Which you will get in this episode. But. After you listened to it. I want you to think about what I’m about to say right now. Which is, even though my child says that this work isn’t super important to her, she doesn’t know if it’s helpful.
Um, she may not even believe in it. She may not practice it herself. But what you’re going to hear in our conversation is that she has the language. And that for me as a parent who is newer to this work and who didn’t start this work until my kids were teenagers. Um, that to me is really the best that I can hope for at this point.
Um, if I had been able to teach her about feeling her feelings and being in awareness and processing feelings through her body. Whenever she was 5, 6, 7 years old, you know, it might be more of a habit or practice for her. But I didn’t start this until she was like 14. And she’s going to be 17 this summer. And so she definitely talks about it. Like she’s a teenager, you know, like a skeptical, somewhat ambivalent teenager, which is fine.
But what is the most important thing to me is that she has the language. My daughter can identify the difference between a freeze response and a fight response and a flight response in her body. Um, my daughter understands that there are uncomfortable sensations and feelings that happen in our bodies.
Whenever we feel under threat. And sometimes those sensations don’t always make sense. And sometimes we don’t know what to do with them. Um, and so that to me is the most important thing. She has the language and the work that I do now with clients and what I try to bring into my home as much as I can.
And I’m not always successful because sometimes my family members aren’t interested in this work and I can’t force them to be interested. But what I try to always remember is that my kids are watching me. And I can try to explain things to them. In words, I can try to help them the same way that I would help a client. And very often I do, you know, transition from mom mode to coach mode with my family. And I think that they sometimes get annoyed by this.
But. I’ve planted seeds. And it may not be seeds. They may not be seeds that are growing right now. They may just be, you know, Incubating and the earth. Um, or in the souls of my kids, but I do believe that with this foundation of language that they have at least to be able to identify trauma responses in their bodies and to know what those look and feel like.
Is something that is going to serve them really well as they get older. And they may be skeptical or ambivalent about it now, but in 10 years, 15 years, whenever they’re coming into full adulthood and getting to that, you know, middle age point that we all get to where we recognize things in our lives that aren’t really serving us anymore. And.
We want to make changes and we see where we need to heal and we want to heal. Then my kids are at least going to have language. And that’s really all I can hope for at this point. So this is a conversation with my daughter, um, and it is not painting me in the light of being some like perfect nervous system.
Mom. Who’s like kids are constantly processing their feelings and practicing nervous system hygiene and all of that, because that is definitely not happening in my house. But I hope that through. Hearing my daughters, um, Skepticism hesitancy a belief that maybe feeling feelings and living in awareness doesn’t work.
At least she has language and I hope no matter what stage you’re at with your kids, if you’re a parent. That you understand that it’s never too late, even if all you’re doing is introducing your kids to the concept of caring for their nervous systems or feeling their feelings. Or the language of identifying trauma responses in their bodies.
If that’s all you’re able to do. That’s more than what I got. It’s probably more than what you got. And so we can let that be enough. And also trust that the seeds we’ve planted as parents. May lie, fallow and the ground for a really long time. But when our children need them, We can trust that they’ll be able to summon those memories up and summon that knowledge up and use it to go forward in their own journeys, because ultimately my kids have are on their own journeys. Right? Like my kids incarnated.
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In this body in this time, in this planet, in this family, because they have their own soul contracts and karma and stuff to work out. You know, it’s not all about me. It’s about them too. And so there’s absolutely no possible way that I can give my kids everything they need and make sure they’re leaving home with absolutely no trauma and no ego and no, um,Unconscious reactions to life. Like that’s completely unrealistic. But what I can trust is that I have done my best to model nervous system care and awareness in front of my kids, even when it’s been embarrassing, even when it’s made them uncomfortable, even when they roll their eyes. I’ve still modeled this to my kids. And so I trust that as their lives unfold and as they become adults and become middle aged and become parents and go through their own dark nights of the soul.
And all the things that I wish I could save them from now that I know I can’t save them from then I trust that this knowledge is there. And maybe they’ll come to me later and be like, mom, I used to think this was the dumbest thing, but now I recognize that it’s important. And maybe that won’t happen. Like my ego could totally be getting attached to the story.
But either way. Um, I hope you’ll welcome my daughter Addie to the podcast for her, her podcast premiere, um, which she hopes will make her famous. So if there are any talent agents or, uh, famous people, Listening. My 16 year old would very much like to be famous. Um, So I hope you’ll enjoy. And if you have any questions about this episode, feel free to send me an email or reach out on Instagram. I always love your feedback when it comes to the podcast.
Um, this is a really vulnerable share for me though, because I recognize how. Some people might listen to this and be like, wow, this is all complete bullshit. It doesn’t work at all. And she’s just filling us with a load of crap. Like I could see how somebody would listen to that and think that, but, um,
You know, the, the good that I pulled out of this episode was a, I can have a conversation with my daughter about this and it can be okay. And B she may not think this works or believe in it now, but she has language, whether she thinks it works or it doesn’t, she clearly has language, which is more than a lot of kids have.
And that could be enough. So I hope you’ll enjoy this interview with my daughter, Addie, and I would love to see you at nervous system 1 0 1. The link to attend is below and. Yeah let’s go
So, hi Addy. Hi, welcome to your mother’s podcast. Thank you. Are you happy to be here? Sure. Your debut podcast interview be famous after this. I bet ULV. Uh, so, um, back in February, no, January back in January, you and I went on a mother-daughter trip to Mexico. We went to Cosmo. We stayed a week in an all-inclusive resort.
We shopped, we ate. We the thing we got sunburned, we did the things we snorkeled. We did the things. Yup. And did you have a good time? I did. Yeah. Except for the part where I got seasick and homesick. Right. I did not get seasick or homesick, but you did, so all right. And so we had a safe trip. Everything was fine.
And then we left Cozumel and landed in Houston. And we had to go through the department of Homeland security to come back into the country and declare the things that we had. Yeah. So I was carrying two bottles of alcohol that I had bought at the, um, airport terminal in the duty free store in Cozumel.
Right. And they were all wrapped up and sealed and everything. And. We got to the department of Homeland security. We got to our place in line. They asked to see our passport. He asked if I was traveling with any fruit, alcohol, whatever. I held up the alcohol. And I was like, I have two bottles that I bought in the duty free store in the Cosmo terminal.
And it seemed to me like for a split second, he was going to let us go through shame. And then. I would love for you to take over and share your perspective of what happened next. Um, okay. So I think after that, I remember him asking to see my passport and whenever he looked at it, he saw that I was a minor.
And so he, uh, asked if you were like giving me the alcohol or anything. And you said, And then he asked if, uh, we had a notarized letter from my dad saying that I could leave the country and go to Mexico. And you said, no, we don’t have that because I didn’t know that we needed that. And then you said, well, according to section whatever of this, you need to have a notarized letter from her father giving her permission to leave the county.
And you said, well, I don’t have that. Cause I didn’t know we needed that. So what am I supposed to do? And he just kept repeating himself saying the same thing over and over. And you started getting more and more angry. And as this was going on, I just felt myself just kind of like shutting down, I guess, and like freezing, I guess.
Cause I was just kind of standing there and like my anxiety was going up. And, um, so he just kept repeating himself. And then, uh, you kind of, I guess you just kind of like hit a point where you just got really mad at him and you stood there and you’re like, well, what the fuck am I supposed to do? I said, what the fuck is going on?
I don’t care what you said. You dropped the F bomb on him. And that’s whenever the real incident happened was whenever the. There was another officer that came up to us and he slammed his hand on the plexiglass that was on the desk. And he said, you do not get to speak to this officer that way. And, uh, now, uh, we’re both just kind of, not really knowing what to do and you’re yelling at both of the officers and I’m just kind of standing there not doing anything.
What did I say? I don’t remember. Really? You don’t remember me saying you don’t get to try to scare us. Oh yeah. That right. You did say that. And then, uh, we got to go through and you said to somebody, I would like to speak to their supervisor and you talked to the supervisor saying that you wanted to get.
Guy fired the guy who slammed his hand on the plexi glass. You said that you wanted to get him fired or something. He was behaving completely inappropriately. Yeah. And then after that, the supervisor guy left us and you started doing your, uh, stress relieving shake thing. And there were people all around us walking past us and they were looking at you weird.
And, uh, I just kind felt like. I had to be like, oh, it’s fine. She’s okay. She’s just relieving stress or whatever. And then they would leave and yeah, I guess that’s what I remember. Okay. So I remember, um, like feeling the anxiety in my body and after I talked to the supervisor and reported what that officer had done, and I mean, if he didn’t get fired at the very least, I wanted him.
Reprimanded or I wanted like a note to go in his file or something. But after that, like I do remember we picked up our bags and we kept walking and we didn’t get very far before. I was like, I have to stop and shake right now. Do you remember that? And then yeah, there were people walking around us and I thought I remembered somebody actually asking you, is everything okay?
Yeah, I think there was somebody who asked them, like, I don’t think you were just volunteering information, like, oh, to like the airport, like, oh, it’s fine. She’s just, no, I do remember like, so one person asking me if you were okay, but like, uh, to the people that were just kind of looking back and forth at me and you, I would tell them.
But I do remember the one person asking me if you were okay. Yeah. Yeah. So I shared this story on Instagram. Um, and honestly it doesn’t surprise me that I recall more details than you do because I wasn’t in a freeze response and you were in more of a freeze response. So it would make sense because often when we face.
We dissociate and that’s our body’s way of trying to protect us from whatever is going on. That’s potentially too overwhelming. So do you remember me asking you, like, I think I asked you at least three times. Are you okay? What do you need? Do you remember me asking that? Okay. And do you remember what you said?
I kept saying I was fine because I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t know. Want to do anything. I just wanted to just kind of handle it on my own. Yeah. So what sensations were you feeling in your body whenever all of this was happening? Um, I think I was tense, like pretty tense. Um, and my heart was also pounding.
Other than that, I don’t really, I think that was probably it. And what was it like for you? Whenever I was shaking in the middle of the airport and like the one person asked if I was okay and you were like, yeah, she’s fine. This is just how she I’m going to be real. I was a little embarrassed. Um, but also I just kind of tried to ignore it and just wait until you were done.
Okay. Um, Do you feel like I tried to, to help take care of you before I tried to take care of myself? Yeah, I think, I mean, like, yeah, but I didn’t really need you to take care of me because I was, like I said, trying to handle it on my own and just kind of do my own thing. So you would have been fine if you just started doing your thing first.
Okay. I’m curious. Cause we didn’t really talk about it much afterwards. Cause you, you did keep saying you were fine and I kept sort of, I think you got annoyed with me because I kept asking you, are you sure? You’re okay. Like what do you need? Right. And you just, you just kept being like, mom, fine. Do you looking back now having.
To process that experience, like, do you feel like you actually were fine in that moment? Or do you feel like if there was something you could change and maybe process your feelings better or discharge those feelings? Like, is there something that you would do differently now? Honestly, I don’t think so. I think I actually was fine with it cause like, I don’t know.
So, okay. Do you, I mean, again, looking back on it, do you feel like you trusted me to handle the situation or did you feel like there might be a point where like, oh shit, we, we might be in trouble here or my mom might not be able to handle this. Um, I think I had like one tiny little moment where I was like, we might not get through.
But other than that, I think, I think I knew that you would be able to handle it. Okay. Well, thanks. Yeah. And, um, I mean, did you feel like, as you were standing there watching all this happen, like you were kind of standing behind me and I remember when the office. Came over and slammed his hand on the plexiglass.
Like you were sort of standing behind me and like, I felt like maybe I was creating some kind of a barrier between you and that officer. Like, I didn’t think he was ever going to physically like touch us or harm us in some way, but I did feel extremely protective of you. Were you able to notice that and did that help you to feel safer or were you in such a free state that like you weren’t paying attention to any of that?
Um, kind of a mixture of both because like, since I was pretty frozen and I had dissociated, um, like I didn’t really notice that much, but I think I noticed enough that. Kind of knew that you were being protective. So it was like, I’m frozen and I’m standing here not knowing what to do, but it looks like my mom is being protective.
So I think I’ll be okay. Kind of thing. Well, good. I’m glad. I’m glad that you felt that way. Yeah. Um, so was any part of this experience, like, do you feel like it was stored in your body in some ways. I know you, you flew again, back in April, whenever you went to visit your grandparents, like when you were going through security or whatever, did you have any.
Like, was it triggering for you? Did you have any anxiety during that? That sort of reminds me of, I always have anxiety going through security in an airport, all this happy anxiety, it would going through an airport. Okay. So any anxiety you experienced going through an airport now, you don’t feel as connected to this department of Homeland security experience?
No. Okay. And after this department of Homeland security experience, Did you ever have bad dreams or nightmares? Did you ever feel unsafe around like authority figures or officers in particular? Like, did you have any lingering effects from this experience? I don’t think I did actually. Okay. Like, I mean, anytime I see like a police officer or a sheriff or something like.
My anxiety will go up a little bit, but that’s always happened. Cause you never know if you accidentally did something that they found out you and I have the like, it’s so weird how we’ve never had. I mean like what happened at the department department of Homeland security that day is literally. The worst experience I’ve ever had with law enforcement.
Like I’ve never had a negative experience with law enforcement, even whenever I’ve had like a traffic stop, I’ve never felt intimidated or afraid in that way. Um, but isn’t it interesting how you and I both like police officers just make us really angry. Well, yeah, cause they’re police officers. You don’t know if you did anything, you could’ve done something five years ago and they suddenly found out and they come for you.
Oh my gosh. I don’t think that’s how that works. Um, but I do, uh, commiserate with you and our shared strange phobia of law enforcement. So, okay. Now I want to tell you something. Okay. Um, not that long ago, I shared the story of what happened to us at the department of Homeland security on my Instagram stories.
Um, actually I shared it on my feed, not my stories. Um, so I made a post, which I’ll link to in the show notes for people so they can read the exact post. Um, but after I shared that post. Almost all of the comments were, you know, like, oh my gosh, I’m so sorry that happened to you. Um, you know, of course they, they did that to a mother.
I wonder if they would have done that if she had been traveling with her father, um, you know, comments like that, and most of the comments were like very supportive, very sympathetic, but I did get one comment that. The lady was like, this actually concerns me about your child, because it seems like you took care of your own nervous system before you checked in to see if your child was okay.
And then it also seems like there’s a bit of a parent dynamic. Where your child is sort of parenting you or acting like a parent because of how she was explaining what you were doing to strangers who were walking by. So I wanted to ask you, like, during that ordeal, do you feel like. And you can say, like, I want you to be honest here, but do you feel like I was mostly only focused on myself and my feelings and processing the energy of that experience for myself?
Or do you have a different perspective? Um, Where, like you did feel like I was taking care of you or I tried anyway. And you were like, I’m fine. I don’t need to do anything. Like, or was it something entirely different? Well, like I said earlier, you did CA keep saying or asking, are you okay? Do you need anything?
So clearly you weren’t the only one taking care of yourself. You were also trying to take care of me. So there’s that, first of all, um, No, I don’t think I was parenting you in any way. I think I was just trying to, like, I don’t know, maybe like hide my embarrassment about the, you doing the shaking thing in front of everybody.
I was trying to do that and just kind of like explain. What was happening. So even if you were embarrassed by me shaking in a public place, is it not, is it like unusual for you to see me shaking guess. Do I shake at home? Yeah. Okay. Um, so. At that point when I was shaking, you did not feel like you needed to do anything to take care of your nervous system and you were sort of waiting for it to pass so that we could pick up our bags and keep going.
Yeah. Okay. Looking at, I think that’s kind of how I deal with that kind of stuff. I just kind of let it pass and get over it. Okay. So that’s interesting. Um, because you know, the freeze response. If you had been in a full state of freeze, like you have like passed out or shut down or something. So you weren’t in like a complete immobilization of your nervous system.
Did you feel like you couldn’t move? Um, like did you feel stuck in any way? Did you feel like trapped or helpless? No, just anxious and scared and waiting to go through. Okay. So then I guess then that one. Uh, a legit question is, do you feel like you were actually in a freeze response or do you feel like you were in a flight response where you wanted to run away, but you couldn’t because they wouldn’t let us through both.
Okay. A mixture of freeze and flight. Okay. That makes sense. Yeah. So in the past, um, There have been some times here at home, unrelated to the department of Homeland security, um, where I have observed you experiencing, um, feelings. And I’ve tried to teach you how to be with your feelings and notice how they want to move on your body.
Can you share with our listeners what that’s like for you from the perspective of a 16. Like moving my body to let the feelings smooth. Yeah. Could you share like how, if it’s helpful or not for you to be able to like drop into your body, notice what the sensations in your body are and then intuitively move them.
If you feel like they are wanting to move versus just like overthinking what you’re feeling or ignoring what you’re saying. I mean, like, sometimes it helps to like, notice what I’m feeling, but like, I don’t know. Like, I can pinpoint what I’m feeling and where at given times, but I’m just like, oh, I’m feeling this. And this is where it’s like, I just kind of want to like lay down and sleep through it. Okay. That’s really interesting because like not wanting to feel what you’re feeling and wanting to lay down and sleep through it instead, what responses.
No. Yes, shit. So it’s really, really common for people in a freeze response to kind of go blank or like numb or get tired whenever something is super activating and stressful for them. Do you feel like that’s you, I mean maybe like, I don’t always want to like say. Through it, that was kind of an exaggeration.
It’s more of like, I just kinda want to like lay down or like sit on a chair and like watch a movie or like watch YouTube or read a book or something. I don’t really want to talk about it. Okay. That’s fair. Um, so you’d rather distract yourself from it. Yeah. Do you feel like that’s the mindful approach?
I’ve tried the mindful approach. It doesn’t work. That’s what I’m trying to tell you. Addie, do you think maybe it doesn’t work because it’s something your mom’s teaching you and you think everything I do is done? No, like, I’m going to challenge you on that because I remember a specific time whenever you were in the kitchen and you had some big feelings bubbling up and you were trying to shut it down and I walked up to you and I was like, what are you feeling? And you were annoyed at first.
But I was like, what are you feeling? Where is it in your body? And you were telling me that you felt like a sensation in your chest and you felt a knot in your throat. And you described the feeling as anxiety. And I said, okay, are you willing to see if it wants to move? And you were like, you kind of rolled your eyes and you were like, sure.
And so then you did, and you started walking around the kitchen, swinging your arms back and forth. And I was like, is that how it wants to move? And you were like, yes. And you did that for maybe two minutes. And then afterwards I was like, did you notice that. And you said you did. So what do you mean? It doesn’t work?
I haven’t done it since then. Okay. Well that was like 2020. Of course. It doesn’t work if you don’t use it. Okay. I haven’t used it since then. I haven’t felt the need to. Okay. So I think that right there that I haven’t felt a need to is probably the key to the conversation. Because if you are feeling you’re feeling.
Even if you’re not consciously doing it, but you’re just in such a habit of doing it, then nothing is getting stuck and stored on your body as trauma or less is getting stuck in starting your body as trauma, because you are still present with your feelings. Do you feel like you’re present with your feelings or do you feel like for the most part you want to watch YouTube or watch a movie or read a book and distract yourself from your feelings?
I think like. I can feel my feelings cause like I can usually describe what I’m feeling in my head, like to myself, what I’m feeling. So like, I do know if I’m feeling anxious or sad or angry or maybe a mixture of all three, but I still want to like distract myself from it and like really not care. Um, Good question.
I don’t know. Do you think that’s just like an unconscious thing that you haven’t made conscious yet? Maybe. Are you open to the idea of making it conscious? Maybe. Okay. So I just don’t like to do stuff like that in front of people. That’s totally reasonable. If I like, say I’m about to cry, like you’ve seen me on the verge of tears.
I don’t like crying in front of people. I like, I just wait until like I’m like alone or in my room. Yeah. And then that’s whenever I do it, but I don’t like crying in front of people. Yeah. And you don’t like sh you wouldn’t shake in front of people. Oh yeah. And that’s totally okay. Like I said, Does it make sense to you?
That, because this is my work that I’m like much more comfortable doing it in a public place than somebody who doesn’t do this for a living. And are you like, is your embarrassment over me doing it? Like, is that in and of itself traumatizing for you or is it just something maybe you feel like you can just roll your eyes and be like, that’s my mom.
I can roll my eyes and just be like, that’s my mom. Okay. I wouldn’t call it traumatization. So I’m not like. Severely humiliating, you know, publicly in a way that’s like going to stick with you for the rest of your life. Okay. Um, so going back to the department of Homeland security story, is there anything that you wish I would have done differently?
Like from the minute we stepped up to the desk and showed the guy, our passports to. Whenever I finished shaking and we picked up our bags and kept walking. Bless you. Thank you. Um, is there anything that bless you again? Is there anything that you wish I would’ve done differently or could I have done something better for you to take care of you?
Um, maybe not dropped the F bomb because then maybe the guy wouldn’t have slammed his hand on the plexi glass and scared us both. Maybe if you were just like, what is going on here instead of what the fuck is going on here. Okay. All right. So maybe what, what response do you think I was in, in my body at that point?
A fight, obviously. Yeah. Do you think that the fight response. Probably served us to get us through that situation. Yeah. Like I still don’t think he should have dropped the F bomb. Cause then he wouldn’t have slapped his hand on the plexiglass, but sure. So it’s my fault. He slapped his hand on the plates.
No, I think the, the word is what caused him to do it. Yeah. That makes sense. I mean, at that time, that’s not exactly something you say in Texas. What do you mean in Texas? We were in Texas. And you said, yeah, I mean, you don’t exactly say that they’re fuck everywhere. Yeah. But it’s Texas. It’s like, uh, you know, , conservative, Christian state that nobody cusses.
Do you think the outcome would’ve been different if I had gone into a freeze response? Yes. What do you think would have happened? If I had gone into a freeze response instead of a fight response? Uh, we would probably both be just kind of standing there and you would probably.
If, if your freeze responses is the same as mine, you would have stood there, probably dissociated and then like kind of mumbled responses to him, or like you wouldn’t have been able to register what he was asking. And so you would ought to be like, what? Huh? Hm. Yeah. And then we would have, we would probably still be there.
If that had happened full you, wouldn’t still be there five months later. Um, so like, do you see the necessity of me, of my nervous system activating my fight response? Are you, are you thankful that my nervous system went into a fight response instead of, because we wouldn’t be there. If it was freeze, you would still be there.
Um, so what is it like just generally. Because I’m sure people listening are really curious. So what is it like having a mom who talks about trauma and trauma responses and the nervous system and awareness, like all the time it gets tiring at first? Well, like after a while,
that’s not my main focus on life. Sure. So, you know, I let you do your thing. And then I we’re all good. Okay. Do you think, um, maybe right now it’s not something that you’re interested in, but do you think maybe your subconscious is storing it and one day, if you ever need it, you’ll have it.
I mean, yeah. But are you open to the possibility that one day you might need to focus on intentionally feeling your feelings and moving them through your body? Maybe like I am storing all the information. Well, not all of it, but like the good stuff. What’s the good stuff. Uh, what we were just talking about, feeling your feelings.
, other than that, I just don’t know. Care that much. Yeah. Not everybody is meant to be a trauma coach and a nervous system educator. Um, but one day, one day you might be like, thanks, mom. You might be 35. Oh gee. Wow. I can’t believe I needed all this information. I’ve been storing since 14.
Yeah. Yeah. Are you open to that? Possibly? Again, I just let whatever happens happen. So like, if it happens cool, if it doesn’t happen. Cool. And you are like more often than not, you are processing your feelings, even if you’re doing it privately. So do you feel like that’s important? Okay. Um, have you ever used any of the language that I use with you at home, like with your friends to help your friends through a hard time? I think I have like some things, I can’t remember what, but I think I probably have. So it doesn’t work and you don’t believe in it, but you’ve tried to help your friends with it.
It’s like I said, like, I let whatever happens happen. And like, I guess I didn’t notice it at first, but I was just kind of saying what I’ve heard from you. So maybe I didn’t notice it at first, but now that it’s being brought up, like yeah, sure. . Well, anything else you want to add? No, I don’t think so. All right. How do you feel like your first podcast experience went? I hope I’m famous my famous yet. Well, I hate to tell you this, but I make $0 off the podcast.
So if you were hoping to become rich and famous, it’s not going to happen. Damn, but. I appreciate your emotional labor for being here. Sure. You’re welcome. Okay. Thank you. Love y’all. I love you. Love you.
Okay. So I hope you enjoyed that. Definitely outside the realm of the usual kind of stuff that I have on the podcast or guests that I bring on the podcast. Um, and again, I hope you see that she’s skeptical now. She doesn’t think it works now, but she has language, whether she’s aware of it or not. She has language and she’s using that language properly.
Uh, which is exciting to me, even though she didn’t necessarily paint my work in the best light. Um, so I just want to remind you once again about the nervous system 1 0 1 workshop. Um, I have sold out every time I’ve done this workshop before. Um, so if you’re thinking about attending nervous system 1 0 1 and you’re on the fence about it, just so you know, it’s very possible that I could sell out. And if so, you’ll have to wait until I offer it the next time. And I don’t even know if I will offer it a next time. I never know.
I’m just making this stuff up as I go. So, uh, click below, um, for show notes and there’s a link to where you can get your ticket for nervous system 1 0 1. Again, if you can’t afford the full $55 ticket price, please send us an email or. Uh, DM and just say, Lindsay, I need the financial aid link. You don’t even have to explain your situation or your circumstances. Um, honestly, I don’t care. I’m going to give you the discount link. Anyway. No questions asked.
Um, again, those dates are you. You choose the one date that works the best for your schedule. So you could choose Saturday. June 4th at 11:00 AM. Central daylight time or Tuesday, June 6th, no, sorry. June 7th at 6:00 PM. Central daylight time. Um, the workshop is about two hours of teaching. And then an unlimited amount of time for Q and a at the end. So attending live.
Gives you the benefit of being able to ask whatever questions you want. And people have commented in the past that the Q and a is one of their favorite parts of this workshop. So you also get lifetime access to the recordings. So even if you do attend live, you’re still going to get the replay. And if you want to watch it with your kids, I would highly recommend this workshop for kids like age 12, 13, and older.
They’re definitely going to learn more about their nervous systems and trauma, and the way trauma is stored in the body in this two hour workshop than they are ever going to learn in school. I can promise you that. So that alone makes it worth it. Um so 📍 yeah link is in the show notes below and thank you so much for being here and i’ll talk to you again in two weeks
